THE IP MAG

Hi, I'm Sam,  Against all my efforts and mental notes, the unwanted somehow creeps in to try to become familiar. I can try to give myself rational and mentally sound reasons why this should remain unwanted, I dig deep and even consult outside help but it becomes a terrible case of the heart wants what it wants . But I still question what part of my heart wants this when there's a part of my heart that just wants to run as fast as my legs can carry me to take me far away from something that half of my heart desires and the other part of my heart wants no part in. Some say follow your heart, but that advise is going to be very hard to follow in this case, a part is trying to be rational and another is trying to leap holding on to nothing but blind faith.  The idea of what could come out of this keeps me interested while I try my best to stay away from it. I want to make sure everything flows through the parameters I have set out and I never want to entertain the thou...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  There's only so much I can do to ensure that something goes a certain way or an event sticks to a drafted agenda. I like to think that I take my time to analyze my actions and draft how things should go, what should go first and what should come after and I've learnt over the years to try to be realistic.  I can dream big and have wonderland wishes but I still try to make everyday grind as realistic as it can be while accounting and acknowledging all that can go wrong. There's only few things I can control and as for the things that I cannot control, I try as much as I can to not let it control me by ruining my day or changing my mood to what I won't enjoy feeling. Some days I feel like acknowledging everything that might not go as planned is accepting defeat or wishing bad on something that is already well thought and planned out and some days I take it as the natural thing to do and have a response for it when it happens. How much time ...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  It is very possible to live life knowing that nobody thinks of me as much as I think about myself. I am living my life and as such I have to be more concerned about me than anyone else, with this realization, I am able to extend grace to others when I don't feel so much like a priority to them, because they are living their lives as well and they should be more concerned about themselves. Everyone is the main character in their story and have to have that main character energy one way or the other in some areas of their lives if not all. I light up whenever someone takes out time to reach out to me to find out how I am doing. Immediately I see the text or the call, I instantly forget the last time we spoke or was in contact with this person, what matters the most to me in that moment is not make the connection genuine and deep so much that with few sentences or seconds on the phone we are able to fill whatever gap we think was existing from the last t...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  I read somewhere that it takes at least 18 days for a human to form a habit. I've always seen myself as a creature of habit because I love to live a routine life, not that I don't mind occasionally stepping out of the norm and doing exciting things. As a self proclaimed creature of habit, I do not enjoy changing or creating new habits no matter the advantages I stand to gain from the new habit, I just want to stick to what I currently have and not put in the effort to change anything and have to start adjusting to the new routine and fine tuning these new habits. Sticking to the familiar has saved me from so much unnecessary headaches and it has also made me very predictable in any kind of relationship I find myself in. I feel like an open book and enjoy the fact that I don't have to say much before my actions are believed. Its very easy for people to know what I can do and what I cannot be caught dead doing. Some days I feel joy towards being...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  I drew the map of my life really early in life with zero understanding of what life really is. I had this eagerness to grow up so fast almost like i was desperate for it because I needed to start doing things contained in my map. While I was curious about doing these older things, I couldn't find the curiosity to map out my younger years, It didn't bother me what foundation the older me would build on, I didn’t bother to grasp how important the foundation was so I didn't care to map it out. Maybe I didn't feel my younger years were my responsibility as I was still under my parents and didn't have any choice but to do whatever they said so they should have the map, but thinking about it now, if I really thought they should have the map to how my teenage years should go,  why was I not curious enough to ask about it or desire to look at it because that should have some sort of influence on the map I was drawing up for my adult years. De...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  Its one thing to wield power and its another things to know that there's a kind of power you wield, its also one thing to know that there's some kind of power you wield and another thing to know how much of that power you wield and its pretty normal to not care about how much power you wield. I always like to remind myself that as little as I may be right now in the world, there's some sort of power I proudly wield and I am not interested in knowing how much of the power, I just want to always acknowledge that I have powers and one of those powers is the power to change my mind.  Coming from a place of not realizing that the power to change my mind is such a powerful power to have, I've allowed myself to be in such terrible and unpalatable situations because I wanted to play nice and not be tagged as " indecisive " and that is a tag I was very unwilling to have stuck on me, not because I was actually indecisive but don't want...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  I have this desire to ensure that the contents of my brain see the light and to do this I've had to think it through, argue with myself about what content should come first, or as I move on or should never see the light no matter how much I desire it and tried my best to weigh the pros and cons. Some days I am able to list more cons than pros and some days the pros win. As I have the desire to flash a light on the contents, I also desire to keep some of the contents to myself. My creative fears started from answering some questions that no one else but me is going to care for the answer, I tried to scrutinize myself and the contents of my brain so much that when someone else questions it, I will have the correct response or not let it sting as much. While trying to scrutinize, ask and answer questions myself, I often walk the path of self sabotage by focusing on things that make the contents unique but I flip those things to mean weakness and the ulti...

Hi, I'm Sam,   Isn't it ironic for someone who dreads the end of things, I love beginnings?, I have this unexplainable excitement for the beginning of things, like I have a clean slate and unhindered imaginations to write or draw as I wish. I feel like the principle of lines does not apply to my painting on this slate and my excitement cannot be contained in any way because somehow everything seems fair and everyone is automatically on the same playing level, but in reality that's not it, however, intrinsically, these feelings give me the right amount of push and encouragement to take on new beginnings, with nerves but not fear, with hope and expressive imagination.  I love Mondays, I've never been one to whine or complain about Mondays even when I had a not-so-great job, I still found a way to get ready every Monday morning with this excitement that I usually lack words to explain. The way I see it is that, if the previous week was bad, the next Monday is a...

Hi, I'm Sam,  I see a story teller whenever I look at myself in the mirror as much as I see it in others, we tell stories everyday we have the opportunity to live. I am the writer of my own story and I can change the story whenever I decide that it's time to write from a different angle. I've been writing stories with my life which means I've been writing as long as I've been alive but I still find it very unappealing writing an ending to any chapter especially when I do not have any desire to end anything going on in my life at a particular time. The reverse is always the case that when I want something to end, it takes so long to end that when it eventually ends I won't know it, it just hits me one day when I have completely done my best to remove myself from the story, and the things I wish could last for as long as I desire tend to slip through my fingers at the slightest mistakes. One of the important things with writing my stories with my life ...

Hi, I'm Sam,  As the resident overthinker, I am here to say that  someone who has zero business with overthinking can fall victim to overthinking when it comes to making the best first impression. The chances of falling victim to overthinking becomes a tad bit higher If you are someone who has knowledge of how you're perceived by people from afar, you can try to not prove those people right especially when the perception is completely wrong and negative but truly everyone gets only one chance at making a first impression but I do not think first impressions are as important as we tend to make them out to be because it turns non overthinkers to overthinkers amongst other things. First impressions will always go the way they're meant to no matter how much we try to weave it to be. Some can see through the act to see and love the real Indentity without help. The first impression will end up meaningless if the thought of curating the perfect person for the moment wa...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  They easily say to me " water is life " but I end up finding out myself that too much of it will cause devastating harm to me. Some have also argued between lack of water and lack of light in the house which is worse, and it doesn't matter which side of the argument you defend, the general truth is that too much of anything is bad, be it too much lack or too much possession of something. Every aspect of life is supposed to be met with balance, it could be two or three things but no matter how many things there are, the gift to master balance in every aspect of things I do or want is what I always desire and strive for. I just realized recently that I'm a memory hoarder, and no one pointed it out to me, I figured it out after it dawned on me that people come to me to remind them of something that happened a long time in the past. In some instances, I don't even need to be there, just the fact that they told me about what happened, th...

Hi, I'm Sam,  Very often I find myself standing on the lane between overthinking and what actually happens in real life. When I engage myself in overthinking, nine out of ten times It has everything to do with me, like what I'd say if I found myself in a particular situation, how I would react, or how I would cross a bridge if I had burned the bridge while crossing the first time. I always console myself and say that overthinking is something I do to get myself ready to confront situations that are probably not the most comfortable in a normal or less awkward manner but the truth is that overthinking for me is more graphic than I would like to admit, I exert so much energy when I overthink about a situation that I sometimes physically feel exhausted when I'm done. This has made me put so much consideration into what I use my energy to overthink on. Our realities vary and as such requires different reactions and action from us, to an extent, I do not have contro...

  Hi, I'm Sam, We respond to what we are used to,  no matter what we tell ourselves or what we do, we will always effortlessly run to what we know is familiar, not because it's the best thing or the right answer in the moment but because it's what we know and what we think can help us get some rest while we try to figure out what's next, and while we're there, we think we will still take the next steps but time flies by and we realize that we have been in the familiar longer than we planned. The realization that you've been in the familiar a while longer than you planned can be one of the hardest pills to swallow. The realization is not always innate, something external triggers it but to a degree. A degree that you realize you're not where you are meant to be and just complain and whine about it but not enough to do something about it or a degree to realize that you should be farther than you are but not to regret your reality but also willing to get to the...

Hi, I'm Sam,  There's a piece of advice that we hear that is not our own but is also our own. It comes from within and we do have the creative freedom to call it whatever we want. Our spiritual inclination actually helps us decide what to or what not to call it but we all experience that advice or suggestion. Asides the creative naming, another thing we have is the ultimate decision to listen to it or not, act as we've heard or completely ignore it or act on the modified version. It is very possible to have this instant regret when we do not listen and act on the suggestion because we can not see the long term effect and it is also possible to see the consequences of ignoring that suggestion in the long run. My innate desire to always listen to that voice didn't just come over me suddenly because I felt like listening to something, but after I've had the experiences and seen the outcome of listening and not listening, I didn't think I needed anymore...

Hi, I'm Sam, I have to constantly try my best to remind myself to respond physically to how I feel emotionally, especially in happy occasions because whenever I want something or I'm working toward something, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I should feel in response to achieving that thing that when I finally achieve that feat, I don't react like I've practiced in my head or how a normal person would react if they were in my position. I think I can say that the desire, anticipation, and hardwork to get that particular thing makes me too exhausted to celebrate or react to the achievement as expected. I spent 5 months working toward something and it finally happened and as much as I was excited, grateful and ready to share my testimony, I somehow couldn't get myself, my voice and laughter to match what was happening and how I was really feeling deep down. I came off to myself like nothing had happened or that it didn't happen the way I though...

Hi, I'm Sam, The exciting feeling of butterflies often felt as a result of a new prospect or talking stage starts to fade earlier than anticipated. As a matter of fact, you don't expect the feeling to stop being exciting because with different persons but same expectations comes the feeling and because you never plan to feel that way, you expect it to always be there either with the same person or a completely different person. With some expectations comes the excitement of talking about yourself while realizing that you are not the same person you were few years ago, with each new person comes different likes and dislikes, hobbies, favorite colors and activities. Unknowingly, you respond and program yourself to seem compatible in the moment. No one has ever seen red flags so early when you still feel the excitement during talking stages or you see it but think its something you can tolerate or change until you get over that excitement and start living with a sense ...