Hi, I'm Sam,
The exciting feeling of butterflies often felt as a result of a new prospect or talking stage starts to fade earlier than anticipated. As a matter of fact, you don't expect the feeling to stop being exciting because with different persons but same expectations comes the feeling and because you never plan to feel that way, you expect it to always be there either with the same person or a completely different person. With some expectations comes the excitement of talking about yourself while realizing that you are not the same person you were few years ago, with each new person comes different likes and dislikes, hobbies, favorite colors and activities. Unknowingly, you respond and program yourself to seem compatible in the moment. No one has ever seen red flags so early when you still feel the excitement during talking stages or you see it but think its something you can tolerate or change until you get over that excitement and start living with a sense of "I don't have the time and energy anymore". You go through this all in the name of finding love. Sometimes, red flags don't seem so colorful when you're looking for love
Its true that when you want something, you go and look for it but experience has done a good job at letting us know that it isn't the case when it comes to love. Looking for love especially where you didn't keep it can be a really tiresome thing to experience, you question yourself multiple times while blindly looking for it. No one who has intensely searched for romantic love has ever had a good story to tell. The frustration level for different persons may vary but its as intense as the feeling you're using to search for it. You find yourself trying to paint red flags green or even do everything in your power to ignore the color because somehow you want to pull the wrong person to the right. You don't need to do anything special or monumental for love to find you but the thing you cannot change is that love will find you at some point but you may choose to receive it or not.
The most shattering thing about not finding love in the person you thought had all the love you need is that in so many cases, people start out as strangers, become close and become a very important person in your life and somehow in an unexplainable manner become more of a stranger than they were before you knew them. You begin to analyze all the love you've had in your life and how maybe, just maybe, your teenage love should've blossomed into the love you need at this stage of your life. The feeling of incomplete, the feeling of "will I ever find my soul mate", then the feeling of "I don't think I'll ever find love" now sets in, humbling you in the most unbelievable way that you begin to find love within yourself.
When I mourn a talking stage, I don't think its always because of what was had because when you really think about it without the excitement clouding your judgement, you realize that nothing worth holding onto was had in the that short period of time, but I mourn because of what could've been. You may not admit it but I will admit that my imaginations run wild with each talking stage, without the excitement of what could be based on the little already known, then there won't be any feelings of butterfly and excitement during a talking stage. Its never intentional putting my imagination to work during a talking stage, I try my best to paint a picture of what could be the likely outcome of telling someone my favorite colors or hobbies for the umpteenth time.
There is a high chance that love may come when you think its not a perfect time but its there for a perfect reason. Love coming to you is an opportunity to explore new parts of you, realize some things and accept some things the way they are and can be. You may not see that as the right time for love but it comes at the right time.
Everyone sees love from their point of view, you are able to see and interpret love for you and from whom you are getting it from. You are as well saddled with the responsibility of communicating your love, to give and to receive, the best way you possibly can. Either with your actions or words, you have to be certain that you explain how you are being loved. For me, I still do not know how I want to be loved which means if I ignore that, I will have to burden someone else to find a way to love me and I will have to take whatever I get because I can't demand for more or less because I have not figured out exactly how I wish to be loved. The love I know for now is self love, I know it like the back of my hands and I am able to call myself to order when I am not loving myself as I should which is something I still battle with when someone else is involved.
But I try to remind myself as often as I can that I am capable of love, the intricacies and goofy aspects of love, the parts that I swear I will never go to because of love, but I try to remain open minded to love while not actively seeking it.
Its true that when you want something, you go and look for it but experience has done a good job at letting us know that it isn't the case when it comes to love. Looking for love especially where you didn't keep it can be a really tiresome thing to experience, you question yourself multiple times while blindly looking for it. No one who has intensely searched for romantic love has ever had a good story to tell. The frustration level for different persons may vary but its as intense as the feeling you're using to search for it. You find yourself trying to paint red flags green or even do everything in your power to ignore the color because somehow you want to pull the wrong person to the right. You don't need to do anything special or monumental for love to find you but the thing you cannot change is that love will find you at some point but you may choose to receive it or not.
The most shattering thing about not finding love in the person you thought had all the love you need is that in so many cases, people start out as strangers, become close and become a very important person in your life and somehow in an unexplainable manner become more of a stranger than they were before you knew them. You begin to analyze all the love you've had in your life and how maybe, just maybe, your teenage love should've blossomed into the love you need at this stage of your life. The feeling of incomplete, the feeling of "will I ever find my soul mate", then the feeling of "I don't think I'll ever find love" now sets in, humbling you in the most unbelievable way that you begin to find love within yourself.
When I mourn a talking stage, I don't think its always because of what was had because when you really think about it without the excitement clouding your judgement, you realize that nothing worth holding onto was had in the that short period of time, but I mourn because of what could've been. You may not admit it but I will admit that my imaginations run wild with each talking stage, without the excitement of what could be based on the little already known, then there won't be any feelings of butterfly and excitement during a talking stage. Its never intentional putting my imagination to work during a talking stage, I try my best to paint a picture of what could be the likely outcome of telling someone my favorite colors or hobbies for the umpteenth time.
There is a high chance that love may come when you think its not a perfect time but its there for a perfect reason. Love coming to you is an opportunity to explore new parts of you, realize some things and accept some things the way they are and can be. You may not see that as the right time for love but it comes at the right time.
Everyone sees love from their point of view, you are able to see and interpret love for you and from whom you are getting it from. You are as well saddled with the responsibility of communicating your love, to give and to receive, the best way you possibly can. Either with your actions or words, you have to be certain that you explain how you are being loved. For me, I still do not know how I want to be loved which means if I ignore that, I will have to burden someone else to find a way to love me and I will have to take whatever I get because I can't demand for more or less because I have not figured out exactly how I wish to be loved. The love I know for now is self love, I know it like the back of my hands and I am able to call myself to order when I am not loving myself as I should which is something I still battle with when someone else is involved.
But I try to remind myself as often as I can that I am capable of love, the intricacies and goofy aspects of love, the parts that I swear I will never go to because of love, but I try to remain open minded to love while not actively seeking it.
