Hi, I'm Sam,
We are living in an era of multiple eras happening all at once. We have so much to do and achieve that sometimes it’s ok to be selfish with your time but we still need to be intentional in coming through for the real ones in our lives whenever they need us because the truth is, we will also need them from time to time. Putting someone first or being intentional with someone in your life only works when you're in their top 5. You can waste care, love, genuine intentions, and sacrifice on someone who has no regard and probably won't do the same for you if the role or tables were turned. This is not promoting the attitude of being good or doing things because of what we stand to gain but the intuition to know where to plant and nurture to stay away from wasted efforts
I love being the predictable friend, I love being the friend you feel comfortable talking to not because I give the best advice but because you know I will listen and in the process of unburdening yourself, you can figure things out for yourself and if you need me to say it, I will still say it. I'm no longer surprised when my close friends can predict or know what I'll probably do in a situation. My friends go as far as defending me even when they're not sure if I did something or not and I always love to do the right thing and prove them right which in turn increases their trust in me. Sometimes I'm scared that I have created and possibly live in a bubble for myself and my family and close friends, that I might be missing out on some things, but my life is so good that I don't even bother myself to try to think about what I might be missing or not missing. I am happy with every area of my life and the people I'm doing life with now and hopefully, the people that will come into my life in the future.
One of the current eras is the desire everyone has to be heard; there's always an opinion about something, advice to give, a statement of "it can never be me" or if I were you I would've done this instead. It seems like good listeners are scarce at the moment. We might have listeners but do we have good listeners?
Who is a good listener? I think a good listener is someone who is exactly whatever kind of listener that is needed at a particular time—your ability to be a different kind of listener at various times. Know when to be a listener who has no business speaking on what was heard, a listener who listens to give advice or a listener who listens to ask serious questions or questions that lighten up the mood. Ultimately, the best kind of listener listens between the lines - they listen not only with their ears but with their eyes, body language, and facial expressions. But as a listener, don't always feel the need to respond and try to take over the conversation not because you're trying to be narcissistic but because you want to prove you understand what you can hear, which is not necessarily a bad thing but try to understand that when you assume that role as a listener to your friend or family, you're not obligated to respond but as the same time you listen enough to be able to say something if asked and try not to change, downplay emotions or make light of the situation at hand. When did you realize that SILENT and LISTEN have the same letters? The only change is the placement of those letters. You cannot listen while you're speaking, silence goes with listening
I do not think it is a bad combination to be a very outspoken or loud person and also a good listener, your quality as a friend, sibling, or child increases when you have the capacity within you to switch roles depending on what is needed at a particular time. Having different sides to you does not make you less genuine in my opinion because the truth is we are really different persons to different people and we reflect on them through the versions of those we are interacting with. We can't 100% say we are the same with everyone and that is why we are human, to adjust to our environment and situations as well as people.
No one will remember what you said more than how you made them feel and making someone feel something comes down to your intentions, it doesn't happen by accident. You make a conscious decision to make someone feel good and the feeling you get from that is very warm and rewarding. Some people just want to be heard even when they are not speaking, they want those who love them and are close to them to hear their whispers and hear them through their actions, and if you are so focused on being the only one to be heard all the time, you will lose the connection you share with the genuine ones in your life. It’s nice to be nice!