I MEAN WELL, I PROMISE

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Hi, I’m Sam,


I am likely an over-thinker but so far it hasn't been in a bad way at all, I think I should find another word to describe it but for now let's use "over-thinker", if anything it helps me keep myself and my interactions with people safe, direct, and moving. I always have intentions behind everything I do, sometimes I may not be proud of the intentions but it’s always honest and something I want to do and not what I'm being pushed into doing in any way. At times the intentions behind my actions may not be entirely very good, but it’s always honest and based on the information I have and what I think is best at that particular time. I don't have a cheating bone in my body, my actions may show that I want to put myself first but never to make someone else feel bad or cheated but of course, I can only act a certain way no matter what my intentions maybe but I can't choose how someone else reacts as a result of my actions.

 

 Just like any other human in this world, my intentions can be influenced by someone else or external forces. External influences can be good or bad depending on how much influence you allow. The easiest way for my intentions to be influenced is by advice or guidance, especially from someone whom I respect so much. I don't know it all, and advice must not always come from someone who knows it all as well, I believe advice can come from experiences, you're not advising someone based on what you know but what you've experienced or what you've seen play out in the past. Whenever I receive a piece of advice from a trusted person, I try to consider it because I know it’s mostly coming from a place of love and concern.

 

Intentionality is the backbone of everything we do in life, be it career, love, or in everyday life, Intentionality is always at the backbone which makes it very important to do everything with the right intention. Intentionality brings purpose and clarity into every action we take, it is all about being deliberate and mindful in every action we take and it will always lead to what we hold dear as our values. When you do things with the right intentions, you realize that every decision no matter how insignificant it may seem will become meaningful, find it easy and clear to attach purpose to everything little and big things you expel your energy on.

 

I have gotten into trouble before despite my good intentions while doing something for someone. I have tried to figure out how that happened but I would surmise it to miscommunication and misunderstanding. I won't lie, I had to take some time to think about my dealings with people, I asked myself questions and wondered if my good intentions really mattered and if I was incapable of relating them to someone else and making them realize that I am acting on my best intentions and not whatever they have convinced themselves is going on. Friendship/ relationships built on genuine intentions thrive on mutual respect, support, and encouragement. The fact that I always tell myself that I have good intentions in every situation and relationship I find myself in increases the level of anxiety I have towards disagreements or arguments. I have managed to somehow convince myself that arguments should not happen when I am engaging with people with the purest of intentions. I have conditioned my mind to believe that as true and repeatedly tell myself, that there should be no such thing as disagreements or arguments if I am dealing with you purely, you should believe me and I should also assume you're dealing with me with the purest of intentions so I should believe you as well. My options when arguments or disagreements happen is to run away or absorb it in a way that will never lead to resentment towards the other person. As much as I hate getting involved in disagreements, I also have a little space for disappointments, not disappointment from what someone else does, but disappointment in myself that despite my intentions, I still wasn't able to be on the same page as the other person. That little space turns me into a sponge to absorb the situation in a way that won't affect the friendship/ relationships.

 

At the risk of not sounding like the larger population, I don't like surprises, I appreciate them but I don't like them. As much as I don't like surprises, I don't like surprising people either. I always want to know what is happening so I can act accordingly. The chances I've had to surprise people haven't always gone as planned and I don't need to ruin more moments to let it go. When it comes to gifting, I'd rather ask you what you want and get it than assume and make mistakes. For me to get to the point of liking surprises, I need to have 10/10 in every situation, if not, I’m going to let it go for good. For me, the truest way to impress someone is to give them exactly what they want, most people try to be polite when you gift them that they don't tell you exactly how they feel towards the present and that is the decent thing to do but people would not need to act “decent” when you hear them and know what they want in every moment or season.

 

I always mean well, even when it may not seem like it, I do and I know a lot of people mean well as well. One of my many wishes is to always experience people in their truest form.


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