Hi, I'm Sam,
We
respond to what we are used to, no matter what we tell ourselves or what
we do, we will always effortlessly run to what we know is familiar, not
because it's the best thing or the right answer in the moment but because it's
what we know and what we think can help us get some rest while we try to figure
out what's next, and while we're there, we think we will still take the next
steps but time flies by and we realize that we have been in the familiar longer
than we planned. The realization that you've been in the familiar a while
longer than you planned can be one of the hardest pills to swallow. The realization is
not always innate, something external triggers it but to a degree. A degree
that you realize you're not where you are meant to be and just complain and
whine about it but not enough to do something about it or a degree to realize
that you should be farther than you are but not to regret your reality but also
willing to get to the point you think you should be and you know it’s going
to be quite a journey that if you're not disciplined or determined enough you
might not even start or stop trying when things get tough.
Growth is intentional and it can be painful. It is impossible to grow without knowing it, it will never happen by mistake. Beyond accomplishments and all, growth is also loving yourself and others purely, laughing at yourself, not trying to fill every silent moment with sounds or words, letting go of the desire to be liked or heard all the time, growth is knowing the work you need to do on yourself and doing it. Growth is found beyond things easily and casually said. Your growth may be in picking up yourself after you've quit and fallen more times that you'd like to count. Growth can be personal and it can also be general, as much as people can tell you're growing in a certain area or areas, you can also tell yourself without any doubt when you're growing.
Growth is intentional and it can be painful. It is impossible to grow without knowing it, it will never happen by mistake. Beyond accomplishments and all, growth is also loving yourself and others purely, laughing at yourself, not trying to fill every silent moment with sounds or words, letting go of the desire to be liked or heard all the time, growth is knowing the work you need to do on yourself and doing it. Growth is found beyond things easily and casually said. Your growth may be in picking up yourself after you've quit and fallen more times that you'd like to count. Growth can be personal and it can also be general, as much as people can tell you're growing in a certain area or areas, you can also tell yourself without any doubt when you're growing.
One of the painful sides of growth is that some things need to die to grow. Sometimes we do and sometimes we don't get to pick what dies and what grows in their stead and when something dies, it either grows into something better or something entirely new grows and the necessary things we need will always be around and growing with us or helping us grow. As painful as growth can be, it sure feels good when you come out on the other side and you look over at where you're coming from , it is always without any doubt worth it. Growth will make you shed things, it can be physical and it can be emotional, there are times that you find yourself not feeling comfortable with certain things you know you've always enjoyed and nothing negative really happened for you to push those things to the side but you find yourself finding it difficult to swallow those pills and you look back after a while and find out that those things have not been part of you and you see your life richer and more nourished than it was a while back.
I had to stop myself from nurturing the feeling of guilt when it seems like I might have outgrown certain things. When I realize I can no longer tolerate certain behaviors from myself and others, in that case, I see it as growth taking place and I can't fight it or try to do the opposite in rebellion, I just have to access the situation and know what lane to take in other to accept my growth and not treat what is gone like it never happened. Denying my old self is not growth, accepting what has been but choosing to move differently in the now and possibly the future is the best way to look at it. The past that I may be fighting so hard to forget or deny is what has led to the new me that I am very proud to show off. I may not think so highly of the past, the decisions and actions but it is what it is and it has led to a beautiful me that the world need to know, appreciate and celebrate.
As grown as I am in the now or the journey of growth I am going through will always remind me that I will not always be surrounded by grown people. As I'm going through the journey, grown people around me have helped me in more ways than I realize and that is one grace I will undoubtedly have to extend to others, being the reason someone gets their realization earlier than they would've, the reason someone else feels seen, the reason someone not only realizes where they are but have the desire to do what is necessary to be their better self. As I continue to pray to be surrounded by grown and healed people, I also pray for those who desire growth and pray to be one of the vessels of growth in them. Some may not point to me in public that I was their vessel of growth in some areas of their life and I am truly not helping them in whatever capacity I am just to be pointed to in public but Impact in people’s lives will be the best legacy to leave and one that will always be appreciated.
I love the feeling that comes with growth, it helps me accept myself for the point in life I'm at, it’s reassuring, it helps me understand what making a decision, sticking to the decision and seeing it through really mean. Its makes me believe myself that I can be all talk and do and ultimately makes me understand how sad it was for me to say I will do things and not do them and I can only wish I got this growth those previous times but I still give myself enough grace to accept that I am right where I am meant to be no matter how much I wish I would've done so many things earlier in life.