Hi,
I’m Sam,
For
someone whose coping mechanism is to suppress emotion, I didn’t know any other
way and never thought any other thing would work for me. As I tried to tie up
some loose ends I kept having the urge to find answers to how I was feeling but
how did I think I would be able to find the answers if I didn’t unpack and try
to make sense of my feelings? Somehow I really felt like unpacking for me was a
sign of weakness and bitching and I didn’t want to come off that way to anyone,
most especially to myself.
We
sometimes tend to hold ourselves to a certain unreasonable standard that we
think less of ourselves when we do something for ourselves that will end up
helping us but we won't know that in the interim. Breaking down and trying to
make sense of my emotions was the right thing to do at the moment of intense
feeling but somehow I convinced myself that that would make me come off weak
and the worst part wasn't even coming off weak to someone else but myself. I
never considered giving myself grace to go through the highs and lows of my emotions
at the time whether I liked it or not.
When
you speak from the heart, you always try to be sure it makes sense because you
are literally trying your best to put your feelings into words; which is hard
for people who in normal circumstances love to talk about their feelings now
imagine someone who hasn’t felt the need to put their emotions into words and
still doesn’t believe it will work trying to do that. No matter what emotions
you are trying to put into words, it takes someone who has been there
emotionally to understand to an extent because they can genuinely relate to
what you are saying/ feeling.
I
think the tricky part about speaking from the heart is deciding whether to talk
as soon as you're feeling it or try as much as possible to digest it before
spilling. Digesting before spilling tends to water down your emotions if you're
not careful and speaking as you're feeling can come off confusing because
there's a chance you won't make any sense. I suggest sitting with your emotions
can help to try to make sense of what you're feeling.
You stand the chance to feel lighter and dare I say happy when you can honestly communicate your feelings. At that moment you want someone who would listen and not try to rationalize your choice of words because there is always a chance that you are not going to make sense of how you are feeling let alone know the best ways to put those emotions into words. You also need the wisdom as to who to unpack your feelings to and who to take advice from and also have at the back of your mind that advice is not necessarily a cheat sheet of the perfect thing to do in a situation. Some advice taken and explored sometimes does not yield the expected result; so always give room for things not to go as expected but don't feel bad about unpacking your feelings.
It
is never a pretty thing trying to unpack your feelings, and sometimes it takes
you to say things out loud to have them make sense to you or change your line
of thought. If you have noticed, a lot of things sound sane to you in your
thoughts but when you open your mouth to say the same things you’ve vetted in
your mind, it sounds completely off and sometimes wrong. It’s never pretty but
it’s necessary to unpack your feelings no matter what they are about.
Unpacking
your feelings does not only happen when you’re feeling bad or heartbroken, it
may also apply to happy emotions; always try as much as you can to communicate
your feelings, and try to make sense of them, good or bad.