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JUST THE STATE OF BEING

 Hi, I’m Sam,

 

"I am one with my body, spirit and soul and I am attentive to my being"

Paying rapt attention is very important in everything we do. A lot of us have mastered the art of paying attention to a lot of things except for ourselves. It doesn't take so much to pay attention to our bodies and feelings but at the same time, it’s not also an easy thing to do.

 

Sometimes I sit and think to myself, not about the issues I need to resolve or daydreaming or even about people. I think about how I feel in the moment, how the last thing that happened, whatever it may be about made me feel. If it made me sad, I will ask myself if it could've been avoided or alternative ways I could've reacted and if it made me happy I will still ask myself why it made me happy, was it because I was already happy before it happened or the fact that the thing couldn't have made me happy if I wasn't already in a good mood. This thing of sitting and thinking to myself is becoming more often than I'd like to admit because I can easily turn off in the middle of interaction with people and think to myself. Some people say it's rude but I don't do it to be rude, if anything I do it to be able to function better in the interaction I am engaging in. My emotion lets me draw a map of how the rest of my day will be and I always make sure my days are happy, even when something or someone tries to dampen my day, I've already decided to be happy and I will definitely find a reason to be happy, not that I need one anyway. You hear people say sometimes, "Don't let me transfer my aggression on you" which can make one think, do you decide who or not to be pissed at. Sometimes we can get so boiled up that against our better judgment, we react in a way that we are not proud of, and to me, that is one of the most terrible feelings to ever bear - offending an innocent person as a result of my emotions.

 

I've realized that I find it easy to apologize to people when I sit with myself and analyze my actions. I try to be as objective as I can while sitting with my emotions, that is the only way I can know for sure how I behaved and try as much as possible to see it from another perspective and it helps me put myself in line and thus apologize for my actions if I need to. Nursing an emotion I don't like is quite disturbing for me especially if I feel like I cannot address the emotion. I rehearse over and over in my mind how I am going to talk to someone else about it, sometimes I end up talking to someone about it, and sometimes It just leaves me after a while, but one thing I know that I will do for sure is think about it and try as much as I can to rationalize it.

 

I think we all live a life of craving, the only difference is what we are craving, how many and how much of the things we crave at the same time, and what we can do to satisfy whatever cravings we have. I don't think living a life of craving is a bad thing because that is what keeps some of us going in life. The extent you go to satisfy your craving says a lot about you as a person and we need to be careful about that. Craving in this instant is about the little trivial things that make up our lives. As much as we can and need to be motivated by tangible and really important things in life, we also need the little, mundane, and trivial things to strike a balance. Just as “fitfam” people have cheat days to crave and satisfy “unhealthy” cravings so can trivial things help us strike a balance in our life; what matters is how much you do it and let it control the rest of you.

 

Sometimes I ask myself, can an ambitious person live completely without anxiety? I like to think that I’m an ambitious person and I also believe there are levels to it and there is definitely an unhealthy level to it and I am fairly certain that at that level you cannot avoid anxiety because that has to be like an obsession level and at that level, if things don’t go as you planned, it will lead to an emotional unrest. Anxiety can also lead to an out-of-body experience that cannot exactly be expressed with words. I remember having a panic attack one time and it was something that cannot be faked or expressed completely with words; I still have a hard time believing that ever happened to me and I promised myself that day I would never want to experience such ever again. So anything that is not encouraging peace in my life at any moment cannot be found in any area of my life. Everything is rationalized, discussed, and resolved if need be because I am not going to live a life of activities quite prone to anxiety at any time and I really hope and pray that will also be the case for you.


 
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