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CROSS-LEGGED IN THE DIM LIGHT

 

Hi, I’m Sam,


I need to find a new thinking position, cross-legged in the dim light seems like a better position to think, laid back, and observing life. Some things happen or repeat themselves and you know this requires serious analysis. Why did this happen? What triggered it? What didn't trigger it? Will it happen again? If it does happen again, what should I do? What is the best way to react? Should I be scared? A deep, sincere analysis will answer all these questions and more. Some days I observe life, on other days I comment on it, sometimes I act on it, sometimes I react but most times I ignore it. There's really no point crying over spilled milk, either I belittle myself and use my bread to soak it up from the floor or wash it off, but I will have to do something. The point of my thinking is not to get rid of the peace in my life, but to ponder enough to take things that happened as seriously as I should.

 

One of my favorite things to do is daydream, that is my opportunity to allow my mind to drift away and I get the absolute creative freedom to craft whatever imagination I desire. I have the freedom to plan occasions, formulate discussions, and give myself the best feedback possible. I always use daydreaming to pass the time, especially when I'm in transit and ultimately I daydream to get myself excited and hyped about the future. It helps me refocus and re-strategize my plans and make sure they work out in so many different scenarios and funnily enough I get my best ideas and "aha" moments in the process of daydreaming.

 

When you sit and you know deep down what your life in the future will look like but you try your best to convince yourself that it is not or that even if it happens the way you think it's going, you're still going to find a way to enjoy it. The truth is we can only plan or in this case daydream but it is never going to play out exactly that way, and it is not always a bad thing, it will either go better than we can ever hope for or not but there is always a lesson to learn either way.

 

 

Sometimes I wish I could see myself through people’s eyes - sometimes through the eyes of strangers and sometimes through the eyes of those who know me to some extent and accommodate my good side and my excesses. That is one perspective we will never get no matter how we try, which is why it feels so refreshing when someone makes us feel like we can see ourselves through their lenses no matter how little. When I say I feel seen, it is usually when it’s from the perspective of someone else. What does a stranger see when they look at me, having no clue of my terrible mistakes or the annoying side to me or do they see it right away but I can't tell? And for people who know me, why are they still around when they know I can be a handful, what keeps them around? Do they intentionally wipe their memory of the bad times or does my good side outshine the bad? These are questions I wish I had answers to from the perspective of someone else but that does not matter. It shouldn't and it doesn't affect the way I see and carry myself. I know what I'm doing just like everyone else does and somber reflection is also not a bad idea.

 

One of the things I struggle with minding my business, it's either I don't mind my business and it looks as though I'm intruding into people's lives and concerns or I mind my business to the extent it seems like I don't care about the next person. I'm working hard every day to find the line between them, I need to care enough to a good extent and not overstep. Sometimes innocence is human, the sincerity in our apologies, the confusion when we ask questions, the nerves when we try to do something for the first time, or when we decide to step out of our comfort zone. Just be human, as much as you might be curious like me to see yourself from another perspective, also know that the perspective that matters the most is yours and know that most people will end up seeing you from your perspective instead of theirs, so make sure you give them a good show. 


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