Hi, I’m Sam,
I need to find a new thinking position, cross-legged in the
dim light seems like a better position to think, laid back, and observing life.
Some things happen or repeat themselves and you know this requires serious
analysis. Why did this happen? What triggered it? What didn't trigger it? Will
it happen again? If it does happen again, what should I do? What is the best
way to react? Should I be scared? A deep, sincere analysis will answer all
these questions and more. Some days I observe life, on other days I comment on
it, sometimes I act on it, sometimes I react but most times I ignore it.
There's really no point crying over spilled milk, either I belittle myself and
use my bread to soak it up from the floor or wash it off, but I will have to do
something. The point of my thinking is not to get rid of the peace in my life,
but to ponder enough to take things that happened as seriously as I should.
One of my favorite
things to do is daydream, that is my opportunity to allow my mind to drift away
and I get the absolute creative freedom to craft whatever imagination I desire.
I have the freedom to plan occasions, formulate discussions, and give myself
the best feedback possible. I always use daydreaming to pass the time,
especially when I'm in transit and ultimately I daydream to get myself excited
and hyped about the future. It helps me refocus and re-strategize my plans and
make sure they work out in so many different scenarios and funnily enough I get
my best ideas and "aha" moments in the process of daydreaming.
When you sit and you
know deep down what your life in the future will look like but you try your
best to convince yourself that it is not or that even if it happens the way you
think it's going, you're still going to find a way to enjoy it. The truth is we
can only plan or in this case daydream but it is never going to play out
exactly that way, and it is not always a bad thing, it will either go better
than we can ever hope for or not but there is always a lesson to learn either
way.
Sometimes I wish I could see myself through people’s
eyes - sometimes through the eyes of strangers and sometimes through the eyes
of those who know me to some extent and accommodate my good side and my
excesses. That is one perspective we will never get no matter how we try, which
is why it feels so refreshing when someone makes us feel like we can see
ourselves through their lenses no matter how little. When I say I feel seen, it
is usually when it’s from the perspective of someone else. What does a stranger
see when they look at me, having no clue of my terrible mistakes or the
annoying side to me or do they see it right away but I can't tell? And for
people who know me, why are they still around when they know I can be a
handful, what keeps them around? Do they intentionally wipe their memory of the
bad times or does my good side outshine the bad? These are questions I wish I
had answers to from the perspective of someone else but that does not matter.
It shouldn't and it doesn't affect the way I see and carry myself. I know what
I'm doing just like everyone else does and somber reflection is also not a bad
idea.