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ON-TO THE NEXT I

Hi, I’m Sam

If you read my previous post you will know that I am very uncomfortable being the center of attention (Read here) but I saw this as an opportunity to try to work on myself and get comfortable at receiving compliments and it really did work.


I think I do a really good job at underestimating how much I mean to people. Most times I'm really oblivious as to how dear I am to people and I'm reminded of that every day. I left my current work place on the 13th September and on Tuesday 10th of September my boss threw a surprise send-forth party for me ( I actually knew about the party but let's pretend and call it a surprise party). I tried my best to get the party canceled for no tangible reason when I first got wind of it, but I was told by the little bird that mentioned it to me that the party was going to hold with or without me, LOL!


My heart would constantly skip a beat whenever I remember that something is going to be done for me, few weeks leading to the send forth party, the constant questions I had in my heart was, "Do I even deserve this?, what if they're doing it not to disappoint me?, what if they change their mind about doing it?" I tried my best to answer the questions with the worst case scenario options so that I won't be disappointed if it eventually was the case.

I would say I am a very grateful person but I don't show it the way people would always expect. My gratitude is always there but it will take you a second to realize that I am being grateful in that moment. I honestly wanted to show my appreciation to everyone who made out time to celebrate me moving onto the next but I didn't want them to guess whether or not I was grateful, they needed to know in clear terms and actions that I am grateful for them and the bond we shared in the course of almost 3 years and I'm glad I was able to achieve that. I realized that as uncomfortable as I was for the send-forth party, I didn't die and nothing happened to me standing there and listening to everything everyone had to say about me. I know they were not going to say terrible things but I'm glad they were honest with everything they had to say and were also able to put their emotions into words. One major thing I also realized from listening to everyone speak was how no matter how hard I tried, I was pretty the same with everyone. The fact that I was the common denominator to some people there and they still had the same thing to say about me made me realize that I have actually been living my authentic life for years now and need to forgive myself when I miss some steps.


Just like everyone else, it's normal to be anxious about the future, especially when it requires stepping out of your comfort zone and what you're used to. I have asked myself a million times if I am making the right decision or if I'm being ungrateful stepping away from what I have and what I'm comfortable with. I have tried to come up with scenarios in my head as to what to do if things do not work out well. My work friends were almost treating this transition like an end to our friendship, I agree that the work made it really easy for our friendship to continue and even blossom and it will be difficult to keep up on the same tempo now but I do believe that if we want it to continue, we have to be intentional and really put in effort. I have gotten so used to my routine which is going to change in so many ways and will take some adjusting.


I can only wish for good things for myself, wishing for good things can only be one thing and working towards those good things is another thing. I have to find the strength and courage to push myself each day to stay motivated and committed to my journey. 














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