Hi, I’m Sam
If
you read my previous post you will know that I am very uncomfortable being the
center of attention (Read here) but I saw this as an opportunity to try to work
on myself and get comfortable at receiving compliments and it really did work.
I think I do a really good job at
underestimating how much I mean to people. Most times I'm really oblivious as
to how dear I am to people and I'm reminded of that every day. I left my
current work place on the 13th September and on Tuesday 10th of September my
boss threw a surprise send-forth party for me ( I actually knew about the party
but let's pretend and call it a surprise party). I tried my best to get the
party canceled for no tangible reason when I first got wind of it, but I was
told by the little bird that mentioned it to me that the party was going to
hold with or without me, LOL!
My heart would constantly skip a beat whenever I
remember that something is going to be done for me, few weeks leading to the
send forth party, the constant questions I had in my heart was, "Do I even
deserve this?, what if they're doing it not to disappoint me?, what if they
change their mind about doing it?" I tried my best to answer the questions
with the worst case scenario options so that I won't be disappointed if it
eventually was the case.
I would say I am a very grateful person but I
don't show it the way people would always expect. My gratitude is always there
but it will take you a second to realize that I am being grateful in that
moment. I honestly wanted to show my appreciation to everyone who made out time
to celebrate me moving onto the next but I didn't want them to guess whether or
not I was grateful, they needed to know in clear terms and actions that I am
grateful for them and the bond we shared in the course of almost 3 years and
I'm glad I was able to achieve that. I realized that as uncomfortable as I was
for the send-forth party, I didn't die and nothing happened to me standing
there and listening to everything everyone had to say about me. I know they
were not going to say terrible things but I'm glad they were honest with
everything they had to say and were also able to put their emotions into words.
One major thing I also realized from listening to everyone speak was how no matter
how hard I tried, I was pretty the same with everyone. The fact that I was the
common denominator to some people there and they still had the same thing to
say about me made me realize that I have actually been living my authentic life
for years now and need to forgive myself when I miss some steps.
Just like everyone else, it's normal to be
anxious about the future, especially when it requires stepping out of your
comfort zone and what you're used to. I have asked myself a million times if I
am making the right decision or if I'm being ungrateful stepping away from what
I have and what I'm comfortable with. I have tried to come up with scenarios in
my head as to what to do if things do not work out well. My work friends were
almost treating this transition like an end to our friendship, I agree that the
work made it really easy for our friendship to continue and even blossom and it
will be difficult to keep up on the same tempo now but I do believe that if we
want it to continue, we have to be intentional and really put in effort. I have
gotten so used to my routine which is going to change in so many ways and will
take some adjusting.
I can only wish for good things for myself,
wishing for good things can only be one thing and working towards those good
things is another thing. I have to find the strength and courage to push myself
each day to stay motivated and committed to my journey.
