Hi, I’m
Sam,
We count it all joy and a blessing when we wake up each
morning, and each morning comes with the absolute undiluted feeling of a new
beginning, a fresh and can-do spirit. As the days continue, knowingly or
unknowingly we are open to creating and maintaining relationships with people
in different areas of our lives; it may be our neighbors, a familiar taxi man,
an attendant or owner of the store we frequent, our colleagues, the roadside
seller who tries to convince us to buy what we clearly do not need, our relatives,
etc. The chances of increasing the closeness or distance we might have with any
of these people increases with each day we come in contact with them and as
such we unknowingly decide what extent we can go for them. We can be having a
not-so-good morning and still choose to politely decline to buy what we clearly
do not need no matter how persuasive the seller might be, we just unconsciously
decide what extent to go not to ruin the relationship no matter how distant it
might be because we've been interacting with this person for a while.
In some relationships, we make a conscious decision to
maintain them and some remain maintained by not even trying for example how a
first daughter or first son can make sacrifices for their younger siblings
or even their parents. Sometimes I ask myself, to what extent can I go to keep
a particular relationship and most times I find it difficult to answer the
question because I just act. If I'm able to put a limit or a price on a
particular relationship, then I don't feel like I genuinely want to be in that
specific relationship. Just like everyone else in the world, I have surface
relationships with some people and I don't treat those people too differently
from the way I treat those I keep very close; I treat everyone with the same
sincerity, and the only difference comes down to the level of information you
have about me and obviously how far I can go to make you happy. We make some
people happy only when it’s convenient for us and for some we make it a point
to make sure they are always happy and well taken care of.
When it comes to creating and adjusting my boundaries I find
it very difficult to do it, it’s always different with different persons and
there's usually no specified duration as to how frequently the boundaries keep
adjusting. When it comes to reducing access someone may have to me, I find it
very difficult because I feel as though I'm disappointing the person especially
when I have done a terrible job at communicating my displeasure because I keep
telling myself that maybe this person would've acted differently if I had said
something but I've also noticed that there are people who I just expect to act
a certain way and when they don't I feel that no matter what I say, they will
still do whatever they want.
"Familiarity breeds contempt" and in Naija terms,
it can simply translate to "See finish" but on the contrary, I feel
like there's really no way to avoid see finish with people who we keep very
close, one way or the other they're going to see us in every form and
appearance, where the issue lies now is what they do after they've seen every
aspect of us. If they're genuine, the familiarity should not breed contempt, if
anything it should contribute to what makes the friendship structure stand tall
and solid, as much as new persons will definitely come into our lives, we need
to find a way to hold on to those who have been around for a long time and
those who have become part of our lives essence, so long as they're not moving
mad, the longer someone stays in our lives the longer they also prove and
deserve deep love and reciprocation from our part.
Cherish and value everyone you come in contact with and
always have at the back of your mind, what extent you can go to prove to people
how special they are to you. It’s sometimes not enough to say to yourself
"Of course they know how much they mean to me", your actions help
buttress that point, and making someone feel special is something everyone
should want to do.