Hi, I'm Sam,
I got a random message on Instagram one day, after exchanging pleasantries, the person asked "can we be friends?" My first instinct was to just answer "yes" because not only did I feel that was the correct answer in that moment but also because I didn't want to keep going back and forth, but something got triggered in me immediately I saw the message and not in a bad way. I've always answered "yes" to these kinds of questions and we usually do not end up being friends but I asked what if this one is different, so I genuinely wanted to know why he thought we could be friends or what about me made me seem like someone who would make a good friend because I am certain this person does not know me beyond whatever I have displayed on my profile.
My social media accounts are very much curated and I had to be intentional about making it that way. I wasn't a good friend until a few years ago, I had to learn how to be intentional, and what my part was in my different friendships. The change didn't happen because my friends complained although they did complain, it came because I realized where I was wrong and what I needed to do to make ammends. Nobody forms a friendship primarily because of what they'd gain but there's so much to gain from genuine, loving friendships. Its not selfish to have expectations but the knowledge and trust that you have people to rely on makes the difference.
I genuinely want to be the person in a friend group or hang out who captures moments, but unfortunately I am the one who completely lives in the moment and the moment I decide to pause and capture the fun, the fun goes downhill for me. It starts feeling fake especially because I will end up not sharing the captured moments, so why did I capture them? And also because I probably won't go back to watch them again. But I will still be the one at the end of every hang out or event asking people for pictures and videos and they always come through and share them with me. Some even go above and beyond to take unaware pictures of me having fun and living in the moment.
In the past 5 years, I have been a recipient of overwhelming genuine love from the most unexpected people and areas that most times I find myself trying to justify why the love found me. Some weeks I feel unworthy of the love that come my way and I try my very best to make a list of things that should make worthy of such love. I do that because I want to know exactly what not to do so I don't stop receiving the love or what to keep doing to continue being a beneficiary of such intense genuine love. But alas, there's nothing I can do or have done so far that has changed that. The only changes I know I made was open my heart to receive the love and give it back and pass the love on. I now have the capacity to receive love in whatever quantity or medium but I still would not feel sad if I do not receive love which is the major reason the best people in my life have made it a point to always remind me by their actions that I have and will always receive so much love that no matter how much I pretend or decide to lie to myself, I will always remember that I have love. A kind of love that I can't neglect, a kind of love that isn't confusing, a kind of love that will never make me question a person's stand in my life. So far I have learnt to reciprocate this love and not solely because of what I have gained but for this innate feeling to make someone happy, to see the smile on their face and even if I may feel like I can try to live my life alone, I would not want to because life is so much better with my best people in it.
The best people in my life are not scared of letting me into their wins, their lows and everything in between. When the love is genuine, the care is genuine, the advice is from the purest part of your heart, there's no room for alternative scenarios in sharing life the best way possible. I am one to never ask about anything, I let you share whatever with me at anytime. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to tell me anything just because I asked or anyone to get a tiny feeling that I'm overstepping which is why I cherish it when my people come to me with a good news or their lows. We celebrate together, we cry together and we face issues and resolve them head on.
Being free doesn't mean it won't cost you anything, but that whatever it will cost you is something you're more than willing to pay and you won't have to break your back for it and your love and effort will fall on fertile ground because your actions are appreciated and without asking, reciprocated
28 on the 28th *wink*
My social media accounts are very much curated and I had to be intentional about making it that way. I wasn't a good friend until a few years ago, I had to learn how to be intentional, and what my part was in my different friendships. The change didn't happen because my friends complained although they did complain, it came because I realized where I was wrong and what I needed to do to make ammends. Nobody forms a friendship primarily because of what they'd gain but there's so much to gain from genuine, loving friendships. Its not selfish to have expectations but the knowledge and trust that you have people to rely on makes the difference.
I genuinely want to be the person in a friend group or hang out who captures moments, but unfortunately I am the one who completely lives in the moment and the moment I decide to pause and capture the fun, the fun goes downhill for me. It starts feeling fake especially because I will end up not sharing the captured moments, so why did I capture them? And also because I probably won't go back to watch them again. But I will still be the one at the end of every hang out or event asking people for pictures and videos and they always come through and share them with me. Some even go above and beyond to take unaware pictures of me having fun and living in the moment.
In the past 5 years, I have been a recipient of overwhelming genuine love from the most unexpected people and areas that most times I find myself trying to justify why the love found me. Some weeks I feel unworthy of the love that come my way and I try my very best to make a list of things that should make worthy of such love. I do that because I want to know exactly what not to do so I don't stop receiving the love or what to keep doing to continue being a beneficiary of such intense genuine love. But alas, there's nothing I can do or have done so far that has changed that. The only changes I know I made was open my heart to receive the love and give it back and pass the love on. I now have the capacity to receive love in whatever quantity or medium but I still would not feel sad if I do not receive love which is the major reason the best people in my life have made it a point to always remind me by their actions that I have and will always receive so much love that no matter how much I pretend or decide to lie to myself, I will always remember that I have love. A kind of love that I can't neglect, a kind of love that isn't confusing, a kind of love that will never make me question a person's stand in my life. So far I have learnt to reciprocate this love and not solely because of what I have gained but for this innate feeling to make someone happy, to see the smile on their face and even if I may feel like I can try to live my life alone, I would not want to because life is so much better with my best people in it.
The best people in my life are not scared of letting me into their wins, their lows and everything in between. When the love is genuine, the care is genuine, the advice is from the purest part of your heart, there's no room for alternative scenarios in sharing life the best way possible. I am one to never ask about anything, I let you share whatever with me at anytime. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to tell me anything just because I asked or anyone to get a tiny feeling that I'm overstepping which is why I cherish it when my people come to me with a good news or their lows. We celebrate together, we cry together and we face issues and resolve them head on.
Being free doesn't mean it won't cost you anything, but that whatever it will cost you is something you're more than willing to pay and you won't have to break your back for it and your love and effort will fall on fertile ground because your actions are appreciated and without asking, reciprocated
28 on the 28th *wink*
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