Hi, I'm Sam,
I see a story teller whenever I look at myself in the mirror as much as I see it in others, we tell stories everyday we have the opportunity to live. I am the writer of my own story and I can change the story whenever I decide that it's time to write from a different angle. I've been writing stories with my life which means I've been writing as long as I've been alive but I still find it very unappealing writing an ending to any chapter especially when I do not have any desire to end anything going on in my life at a particular time. The reverse is always the case that when I want something to end, it takes so long to end that when it eventually ends I won't know it, it just hits me one day when I have completely done my best to remove myself from the story, and the things I wish could last for as long as I desire tend to slip through my fingers at the slightest mistakes. One of the important things with writing my stories with my life means that plagiarism cannot be found in any aspect and no matter how much I try to replicate or emulate someone else, my story will remain original to every fiber of my being.
Events just has to happen for me to eventually have to look back and identify the end to certain stories I thought I was going to tell a lot longer that I eventually did. I find the feeling jaring because I always pride myself as someone who pays rapt attention to the stories I tell and how much i connect with people that when I find out that for the past few months or even years I've not said goodbyes to so many things that have come to an end, things that were significant parts of my daily life or things that I always wanted to end but didn't end when I made the ending my entire personality but ended when I took my eyes off of them. Times have gone by and I didn't get to celebrate the things I wanted to end and also didn't get to mourn things that I wish never had to end when they did because an instrument is only as good as the person using it. I don't want to be forced to say good bye, I don't want to feel bullied into it, I don't want to say it when I'm not ready to say it and even when I feel ready to say it, I still want to know that I can take my time and change my mind if I need to.
I am very careful with my goodbyes, in most cases I would say I never subscribe to the idea of saying goodbyes especially when I know that I will still make genuine effort to keep something alive in ways other than physical means. I say genuine goodbyes when I know there's zero chance of keeping in touch, mostly in death. There's a finality I've come to associate with good byes that I only say it at the very end of things.
I have a friend moving to Kenya for work and she is the emotional type and we've made it a point of duty to always remind her how much she is going to miss us when she gets there and how she will cry most nights while scrolling through the pictures and videos of memories we've made over the years. The tease is not to be cruel to her but to half acknowledge the reality because that is exactly what is going to happen and half to prepare her for the harsh reality so she can find a way to be firm and not break down more than she would when she does. Home sickness is something everyone suffers from at different point and it is worse when you have to move to a country where you do not have friends or family and you have to start from scratch to experience the intricacies of friendships and have to experience a lot of firsts with these new people that will eventually become close while jumping some hurdles and avoiding potholes along the way.
She asked me if I am going to miss her and I wanted to be honest but I'm sure it didn't come out well when I said "I don't miss people" and as much as that is very true, I do not think that is what she wanted to hear, so now I'm torn between saying what she wants to hear and being honest with what will definitely happen when we get to that bridge. I also do not think she should waste the remaining days she has in Nigeria wondering who will miss her or not because she's going to have enough moments in Kenya to live it but use the days to make as much memories as she'd like even though that will make her miss us even more.
Finally, I want to say good bye when it feels genuine to me and I hope that moment aligns with when someone else would want to hear it as well. I don't want to say goodbye when its only going to shatter someone's heart in addition to how broken hearted they already feel. I also do not want to hold back my goodbyes when it's a sign for someone to know that I deeply care and acknowledge that we had something deep and genuine. Amongst other things, I want to be described as genuine by anyone I come across and make them have it at the top of their heart to be genuine as well but not to be casually cruel in the name of being honest.
Events just has to happen for me to eventually have to look back and identify the end to certain stories I thought I was going to tell a lot longer that I eventually did. I find the feeling jaring because I always pride myself as someone who pays rapt attention to the stories I tell and how much i connect with people that when I find out that for the past few months or even years I've not said goodbyes to so many things that have come to an end, things that were significant parts of my daily life or things that I always wanted to end but didn't end when I made the ending my entire personality but ended when I took my eyes off of them. Times have gone by and I didn't get to celebrate the things I wanted to end and also didn't get to mourn things that I wish never had to end when they did because an instrument is only as good as the person using it. I don't want to be forced to say good bye, I don't want to feel bullied into it, I don't want to say it when I'm not ready to say it and even when I feel ready to say it, I still want to know that I can take my time and change my mind if I need to.
I am very careful with my goodbyes, in most cases I would say I never subscribe to the idea of saying goodbyes especially when I know that I will still make genuine effort to keep something alive in ways other than physical means. I say genuine goodbyes when I know there's zero chance of keeping in touch, mostly in death. There's a finality I've come to associate with good byes that I only say it at the very end of things.
I have a friend moving to Kenya for work and she is the emotional type and we've made it a point of duty to always remind her how much she is going to miss us when she gets there and how she will cry most nights while scrolling through the pictures and videos of memories we've made over the years. The tease is not to be cruel to her but to half acknowledge the reality because that is exactly what is going to happen and half to prepare her for the harsh reality so she can find a way to be firm and not break down more than she would when she does. Home sickness is something everyone suffers from at different point and it is worse when you have to move to a country where you do not have friends or family and you have to start from scratch to experience the intricacies of friendships and have to experience a lot of firsts with these new people that will eventually become close while jumping some hurdles and avoiding potholes along the way.
She asked me if I am going to miss her and I wanted to be honest but I'm sure it didn't come out well when I said "I don't miss people" and as much as that is very true, I do not think that is what she wanted to hear, so now I'm torn between saying what she wants to hear and being honest with what will definitely happen when we get to that bridge. I also do not think she should waste the remaining days she has in Nigeria wondering who will miss her or not because she's going to have enough moments in Kenya to live it but use the days to make as much memories as she'd like even though that will make her miss us even more.
Finally, I want to say good bye when it feels genuine to me and I hope that moment aligns with when someone else would want to hear it as well. I don't want to say goodbye when its only going to shatter someone's heart in addition to how broken hearted they already feel. I also do not want to hold back my goodbyes when it's a sign for someone to know that I deeply care and acknowledge that we had something deep and genuine. Amongst other things, I want to be described as genuine by anyone I come across and make them have it at the top of their heart to be genuine as well but not to be casually cruel in the name of being honest.
