Hi, I'm Sam,
I have this desire to ensure that the contents of my brain see the light and to do this I've had to think it through, argue with myself about what content should come first, or as I move on or should never see the light no matter how much I desire it and tried my best to weigh the pros and cons. Some days I am able to list more cons than pros and some days the pros win. As I have the desire to flash a light on the contents, I also desire to keep some of the contents to myself. My creative fears started from answering some questions that no one else but me is going to care for the answer, I tried to scrutinize myself and the contents of my brain so much that when someone else questions it, I will have the correct response or not let it sting as much. While trying to scrutinize, ask and answer questions myself, I often walk the path of self sabotage by focusing on things that make the contents unique but I flip those things to mean weakness and the ultimate reason why some of those contents should never see the light of day and on some days I find out that the things that keep me going are those things that I've told myself are the weaknesses but are not.
To move forward with the idea, I've had to become the creator and receiver of those contents, I look at the contents from the angle of the creator, having absolute knowledge of the contents, why and how they came about and I also look at the contents as a fan receiving it, forming my own conclusions like I have zero knowledge about the content and find the best way to digest it and let it speak to me. My dual role in this does not in any way give me the complete knowledge on how the contents will be received, it doesn't matter that I want to play the role of the receiver, I will first and foremost be the creator and can completely see it from that angle. Whatever I put out in whatever shape or method will be open to interpretation, I'd love some of those interpretations, dislike some, notice aspects I never thought it could be interpreted from which can be exciting or disappointing.
My plans and ambitions may seem too big to achieve, the ideas pop into my mind and sometimes I find myself saying "oh this is too much" or I say, "I don't think this will be possible" especially when it seems like no one is doing it the way it's in my mind. Because I think no one is doing it the way it's in my mind, I begin to wonder how greedy I must be to think that big. Some days I feel like I'm the right person to achieve those things and some days I feel like I need to humble myself to accept it at whatever point I manage to drag myself to, and other times I feel like I need a motivational speaker or a motivational meme to remind me of how special I am and how I'm worth whatever it is that crosses my mind to do. I dream because it makes my ambition seem not so far fetched, like I have a road map that is not so detailed but detailed enough to let me know that I am on the right path and I dream in a way and manner that I can find ways to break down the dream into small chunks that feels easily digestible and somehow the imposter feeling dies down because I have somehow tricked my mind into thinking that we're not going for that big dream by focusing on one of the small chunks at a time. The feeling of worth often has to blend with the determination and zeal to pursue a dream, if I don't feel like I'm worth it, I am going to keep second guessing myself at every step I take and focus on every error and strive for an unattainable level of perfection. Steps later I start talking myself into the idea of giving up on the dream and letting someone else pursue it and hopefully get it and then go ahead to convince myself that I will be ok with cheering the person on and if possible hand over my blueprints and left over ideas to that person and then double check with my feeling of greed, the shadow of imposter and the fear of being caught that I may not be all I've told myself that I am.
It will feel completely appropriate for me to feel connected to your dreams, your unhindered desire to dream, be vulnerable, excited and elated about your dreams can make me feel the exact same way. The feelings can be genuine for me as it is for you. You have the ability to inspire me even when all you're doing to daring to dream, talk about the dreams and have the excitement within and outside of you when you talk about it.
Just like anyone, my dreams are bigger that my reality, but I don't have to tame my dreams, it doesn't cost me anything to dream and imagine a future where I do exactly that which gives me joy and purpose in ways that I don't feel bothered enough to put the feelings into words.
To move forward with the idea, I've had to become the creator and receiver of those contents, I look at the contents from the angle of the creator, having absolute knowledge of the contents, why and how they came about and I also look at the contents as a fan receiving it, forming my own conclusions like I have zero knowledge about the content and find the best way to digest it and let it speak to me. My dual role in this does not in any way give me the complete knowledge on how the contents will be received, it doesn't matter that I want to play the role of the receiver, I will first and foremost be the creator and can completely see it from that angle. Whatever I put out in whatever shape or method will be open to interpretation, I'd love some of those interpretations, dislike some, notice aspects I never thought it could be interpreted from which can be exciting or disappointing.
My plans and ambitions may seem too big to achieve, the ideas pop into my mind and sometimes I find myself saying "oh this is too much" or I say, "I don't think this will be possible" especially when it seems like no one is doing it the way it's in my mind. Because I think no one is doing it the way it's in my mind, I begin to wonder how greedy I must be to think that big. Some days I feel like I'm the right person to achieve those things and some days I feel like I need to humble myself to accept it at whatever point I manage to drag myself to, and other times I feel like I need a motivational speaker or a motivational meme to remind me of how special I am and how I'm worth whatever it is that crosses my mind to do. I dream because it makes my ambition seem not so far fetched, like I have a road map that is not so detailed but detailed enough to let me know that I am on the right path and I dream in a way and manner that I can find ways to break down the dream into small chunks that feels easily digestible and somehow the imposter feeling dies down because I have somehow tricked my mind into thinking that we're not going for that big dream by focusing on one of the small chunks at a time. The feeling of worth often has to blend with the determination and zeal to pursue a dream, if I don't feel like I'm worth it, I am going to keep second guessing myself at every step I take and focus on every error and strive for an unattainable level of perfection. Steps later I start talking myself into the idea of giving up on the dream and letting someone else pursue it and hopefully get it and then go ahead to convince myself that I will be ok with cheering the person on and if possible hand over my blueprints and left over ideas to that person and then double check with my feeling of greed, the shadow of imposter and the fear of being caught that I may not be all I've told myself that I am.
It will feel completely appropriate for me to feel connected to your dreams, your unhindered desire to dream, be vulnerable, excited and elated about your dreams can make me feel the exact same way. The feelings can be genuine for me as it is for you. You have the ability to inspire me even when all you're doing to daring to dream, talk about the dreams and have the excitement within and outside of you when you talk about it.
Just like anyone, my dreams are bigger that my reality, but I don't have to tame my dreams, it doesn't cost me anything to dream and imagine a future where I do exactly that which gives me joy and purpose in ways that I don't feel bothered enough to put the feelings into words.
