Hi, I'm Sam,
Its beginning to hit me that I will no longer be counted as part of the young ones in any gathering I find myself in lately because I have gone up in age and this realization is making me question so many things I stood by growing up which I never thought would change and because I've never said those things out loud to the hearing of someone older than I am or even my mate, I've not received any advice with regards to them. The most common advice I get on a regular is that change is constant and I shouldn't be afraid to adapt to the changes. Change is quite easy to adapt to if it is somehow going the way you've planned it to be. You can just conclude that the change which you can see is just a manifestation of your desires and hard work. It can be hard to learn to accept changes even when it doesn't seem like its contained in my plans for growth, I've come to understand that things will always work out for my good even when I can't see it immediately, so I've learned to accept changes even when they do not make sense, and it has always shown that its the best for me.
I've always loved the idea of mentorship but I've never intentionally been involved in a mentee-mentor relationship. I've heard it explained in detail and I've watched movies throwing light on mentee-mentor relationship but even as a curious person that I am, my curiosity has not gotten to the point of actually having one. Paths can be similar but not exact for different individuals and as such, I would end up arguing with a mentor who would suggest that I take the exact path he or she did. I know myself and as much as I know that I might have similar taste and likes as someone else, the difference is going to be undeniable. The level of my like or dislike for someone is always going to be significant which might not really sit well with someone else. Some may say that if I like something, it can come off as obsessive because I will like every tangible aspect of that and I will also be vocal about it when asked, so when I like something, you will definitely know that I do and in some cases you will know even if you don't ask me about it because you will be able to detect my likeness for that thing. This is actually not the reason I've never had a mentee-mentor relationship, I've just never had the opportunity to have one but I can be easily inspired from afar and in that case some people have served as mentors in my life without knowing it.
My friends have always been people older than I am and it was as a result of vibing with my siblings friends, that made me get so used to interacting with people older than I am. I was able to hold my own in my conversations with them, I was able to balance learning from them, teaching them and making reasonable contributions from my own point of view. The fact I had a good rapport with people older than I am gave me so much bragging right. I never failed to bring it up when talking to my classmates and for some reason I wanted my mates to see me in a certain way by dropping that information somewhere in our discussion whether they asked or not. I can't say for certain if that information gave me some kind of cool points but one thing I was certain of was that it didn't hurt my points either. People paid attention to my contributions because they feel like I must have mentioned it to my friends who were older and if they thought it made sense then it should be sensible. Only few would add to my contributions or even call me out when I was wrong and if I'm being honest they weren't my favorite because I felt like they were trying to dim my light somehow and I would say to myself "that's why I don't have you as a friend".
I never stopped to think about having a balance in friendships, motivational speakers made me feel good about having friends who were older than I was, so I just felt I was on the right path. I'm sure motivational speakers spoke from that angle with the idea that I was learning from the older friends but although I was learning from them, I still felt lonely because as I was growing up, I had to go through phases alone and all I could get from them was, "we've been there before", which on some cases wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted to vent, be heard and be seen but they felt like their job was just to tell me what to do and yes their advise helped but somehow didn't feel like it was enough. I'm working on not just having friends older than I am but its been a slow journey. Apart from the fact that I never considered having friends younger than I was, another reason why I completely avoided having friends younger than me was because I didn't want to also feel like telling them what to do. I will be impatient about letting them make decisions and learn from it, because I know the moment I give an advise and they decide not to take it and do their thing and it backfires, I will struggle to understand that I also went through that phase and try help them come out and keep going, and there's every chance I would cut them off and let them figure out life for themselves since they don't want to listen to me.
Now that I understand and have learnt the patience and grace to flow with people, I'm in a much better position not to be a mentor per say but to guide, advice and nurture when its needed. I understand that I went through that phase and there is no point trying to rub them of their chance to go through their own path and experiences, I can simply just join them on the journey.
I've always loved the idea of mentorship but I've never intentionally been involved in a mentee-mentor relationship. I've heard it explained in detail and I've watched movies throwing light on mentee-mentor relationship but even as a curious person that I am, my curiosity has not gotten to the point of actually having one. Paths can be similar but not exact for different individuals and as such, I would end up arguing with a mentor who would suggest that I take the exact path he or she did. I know myself and as much as I know that I might have similar taste and likes as someone else, the difference is going to be undeniable. The level of my like or dislike for someone is always going to be significant which might not really sit well with someone else. Some may say that if I like something, it can come off as obsessive because I will like every tangible aspect of that and I will also be vocal about it when asked, so when I like something, you will definitely know that I do and in some cases you will know even if you don't ask me about it because you will be able to detect my likeness for that thing. This is actually not the reason I've never had a mentee-mentor relationship, I've just never had the opportunity to have one but I can be easily inspired from afar and in that case some people have served as mentors in my life without knowing it.
My friends have always been people older than I am and it was as a result of vibing with my siblings friends, that made me get so used to interacting with people older than I am. I was able to hold my own in my conversations with them, I was able to balance learning from them, teaching them and making reasonable contributions from my own point of view. The fact I had a good rapport with people older than I am gave me so much bragging right. I never failed to bring it up when talking to my classmates and for some reason I wanted my mates to see me in a certain way by dropping that information somewhere in our discussion whether they asked or not. I can't say for certain if that information gave me some kind of cool points but one thing I was certain of was that it didn't hurt my points either. People paid attention to my contributions because they feel like I must have mentioned it to my friends who were older and if they thought it made sense then it should be sensible. Only few would add to my contributions or even call me out when I was wrong and if I'm being honest they weren't my favorite because I felt like they were trying to dim my light somehow and I would say to myself "that's why I don't have you as a friend".
I never stopped to think about having a balance in friendships, motivational speakers made me feel good about having friends who were older than I was, so I just felt I was on the right path. I'm sure motivational speakers spoke from that angle with the idea that I was learning from the older friends but although I was learning from them, I still felt lonely because as I was growing up, I had to go through phases alone and all I could get from them was, "we've been there before", which on some cases wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted to vent, be heard and be seen but they felt like their job was just to tell me what to do and yes their advise helped but somehow didn't feel like it was enough. I'm working on not just having friends older than I am but its been a slow journey. Apart from the fact that I never considered having friends younger than I was, another reason why I completely avoided having friends younger than me was because I didn't want to also feel like telling them what to do. I will be impatient about letting them make decisions and learn from it, because I know the moment I give an advise and they decide not to take it and do their thing and it backfires, I will struggle to understand that I also went through that phase and try help them come out and keep going, and there's every chance I would cut them off and let them figure out life for themselves since they don't want to listen to me.
Now that I understand and have learnt the patience and grace to flow with people, I'm in a much better position not to be a mentor per say but to guide, advice and nurture when its needed. I understand that I went through that phase and there is no point trying to rub them of their chance to go through their own path and experiences, I can simply just join them on the journey.
