Hi, I'm Sam,
There's an igbo saying, "mgbe onye tere, bụ ụtụtu ya" and it translates to "anytime anyone wakes up, is their morning" and just like so many things I heard when I was younger, this didn't really make any sense to me. It's one of those things they say, "you will understand when you get older" and I can honestly say I understand now that I'm older. As you get older, you don't need anyone to explain to you that life is really all about times and seasons and you live an easier, happier life when you understand that and live by that. When you're younger, it is very easy for you to believe that everything will work out at the same time and pace as your best friend who is of the same age and maybe gender as you. You sit and make plans how you will move from one stage to the next and you never really factor in life happening because really at that age you haven't really experienced what life could possibly throw your way, so you just go ahead and make life plans without considering what options life might give you and when life now provides options, you don't get to run away from it because as you're running, options will continue coming to you to pick from just in different variations. I did try to make plans with my then best friend but it wasn't even up to a year and life made me have an idea of what it was saying when we were making those plans like "aww such cute boys, if only they know what is about to happen" and what happened wasn't actually a bad thing but it was something we never thought to factor into our plans.
I saw somewhere that life is like looking both sides to cross the road and getting hit by a plane because no matter how meticulously we plan life and even factor in things that could happen, either positively or negatively, something very unexpected always happens. I think that the desire to become adults so quickly when we were kids was as a result of how well the adults in our lives hid the realities of adulthood. They did a very good job making sure that we were kids, happy kids with zero worries and they never let the reality they were living in as adults mistakenly spill on us even to get a small glimpse and because of that we only saw the glamours of adulthood which honestly i don't really see now and somehow became desperate to live in that glamour even though we didn't completely understand it. For me, one thing I really looked forward to have as an adult was the freedom to make choices but now I just wish someone will make those decisions for me because I don't always like my options and I constantly feel like the options will somehow be bearable if they were made by someone else so that I can blame that person if it's bad or praise the person if it is good, I just want anything that will not make me a necessary constant in my living.
There are seasons that when you're going through them, you can explain or prepare someone else for them and there are seasons that the only thing on your mind is to survive it and in that survival, you experience exponential growth. Growth that is so undeniable that people will want to have that growth but dread going through the process of getting it. And while surviving, preparing someone else for it isn't really what you're after and there are seasons that no matter how much your try to prepare someone else, they won't understand you until they live it. The jarring thing is that there's every chance that everyone will go through these 3 phases willingly or otherwise. The mere fact that you can never really be prepared before stepping into any of these phases, you either win or let the phases crush you and as you're going through it, others are going through theirs and it takes a strong and selfless person to extend a helping hand to you when they're also going through a crushing phase. They pour into others not necessarily to get poured back into but it is also nice and rewarding for them to also get poured into. You cannot be filled without spilling, if there's still space in your cup them you're not filled.
As humans, we love and enjoy companionship and as such it's normal to want to experience certain things with certain people but the life timeline is different for everyone. Best friends may desire to experience pregnancy at the same time but that may not happen but it doesn't mean that they will not experience motherhood and the time they eventually experience, it will still be something they will each cherish for themselves and for each other. And the fact that things happen at different times for different people still does not erase the companionship we can experience in our lives, we still have ways to experience companionship without being in the exact boat at the same time.
I saw somewhere that life is like looking both sides to cross the road and getting hit by a plane because no matter how meticulously we plan life and even factor in things that could happen, either positively or negatively, something very unexpected always happens. I think that the desire to become adults so quickly when we were kids was as a result of how well the adults in our lives hid the realities of adulthood. They did a very good job making sure that we were kids, happy kids with zero worries and they never let the reality they were living in as adults mistakenly spill on us even to get a small glimpse and because of that we only saw the glamours of adulthood which honestly i don't really see now and somehow became desperate to live in that glamour even though we didn't completely understand it. For me, one thing I really looked forward to have as an adult was the freedom to make choices but now I just wish someone will make those decisions for me because I don't always like my options and I constantly feel like the options will somehow be bearable if they were made by someone else so that I can blame that person if it's bad or praise the person if it is good, I just want anything that will not make me a necessary constant in my living.
There are seasons that when you're going through them, you can explain or prepare someone else for them and there are seasons that the only thing on your mind is to survive it and in that survival, you experience exponential growth. Growth that is so undeniable that people will want to have that growth but dread going through the process of getting it. And while surviving, preparing someone else for it isn't really what you're after and there are seasons that no matter how much your try to prepare someone else, they won't understand you until they live it. The jarring thing is that there's every chance that everyone will go through these 3 phases willingly or otherwise. The mere fact that you can never really be prepared before stepping into any of these phases, you either win or let the phases crush you and as you're going through it, others are going through theirs and it takes a strong and selfless person to extend a helping hand to you when they're also going through a crushing phase. They pour into others not necessarily to get poured back into but it is also nice and rewarding for them to also get poured into. You cannot be filled without spilling, if there's still space in your cup them you're not filled.
As humans, we love and enjoy companionship and as such it's normal to want to experience certain things with certain people but the life timeline is different for everyone. Best friends may desire to experience pregnancy at the same time but that may not happen but it doesn't mean that they will not experience motherhood and the time they eventually experience, it will still be something they will each cherish for themselves and for each other. And the fact that things happen at different times for different people still does not erase the companionship we can experience in our lives, we still have ways to experience companionship without being in the exact boat at the same time.
