Hi, I'm Sam,
I really do think that love has to be the warmest feeling to experience, especially because humans are the most selfish creatures and as such we tend to do things that make us feel good and caters to our likes, wants and needs that when someone decides to put their extremely loved self at a place and not only think of you but back it up with actions that probably has nothing to do with them but so much if not everything to do with you, yeah, that warm feeling is such a good feeling. Naturally, the easiest place to find love is at home, it's like a follow-come necessity that it is naturally expected but it's quite unfortunate that not everyone gets to experience love at home. For me when I think of home, I immediately feel loved, understood and backed up that I don't feel alone.
I asked one of my best friends what jazz I did to have and keep my friends so close and the way they come through for me makes me wonder if I truly deserve it and if I do, what did I do to deserve it. The grass is always green where you water it. Nothing can stop your blood relatives from being family but it is very possible to no longer enjoy the benefits of family despite being a blood relative because beyond blood, there are other things that keep the bond strong and going. That is why you can see some people come through from friends and won't lift a finger for a blood relative who isn't worth it. Blood factor is there to be the first introduction and lay a foundation, what you build on that foundation is entirely up to you and your choices from then onward determines what type of edifice you build.
There's a kind of love you experience that feels so undeserving and you immediately begin to do mental checks to figure out why you are experiencing such and in most cases, nothing seems to fit the narrative and if you really deal with your loved ones genuinely, you will find it difficult to completely articulate or list the things you've done for them that will make then show you love so much that you begin to feel undeserving of it. There is love that you just have to experience and bask in without the need to make sense of it all. Sometimes you want to make sense of it so that you can return the gesture but if that will take away from appreciating and completely enjoying the love bestowed on you, it will take away from the intended outcome of the love shown. It's good to be good but there's a point you get to, you don't have to live a life of payback (in a good way) especially when it seems copied from what is received. When you love genuinely, Ideas will always come to you on ways to express it in words and actions and it will always be unique to you and the receiver and your desire to make them seen and loved will be achieved without misunderstanding.
I heard someone say that, If you bought everything you own, you lack love and grace and as much as this is nothing but the truth, it doesn't diminsh a persons hardwork to provide for themselves but to acknowledge the extra help and input they receive outside of what they are able to give themselves. There is a high chance of getting carried away with that mentality that the realization that you're now a leech to the people around you hits late, and lucky you if it hit early enough before you lose those around you. It's good to receive gifts, help and all from your loved ones but when the giving is one sided, it starts tilting the scale and the tilt won't be in your favor. I find it easy to render help, no matter what form of help to people who I know can do those things or try to do those things for themselves which is why I find it easy to tip generously when a service is rendered to me than when I'm flat out begged for it because the person is making an effort to earn for themselves and whatever I tip is only an addition to what they're doing for themselves than my tip being their sole earn.
When I say there's love at home, I don't literally mean family members, I mean genuine love where you've cleared, planted, watered and get to harvest in every season. The kind of love that reminds you that you're special, the kind of love that gives you a lift when life reminds you that it's tilted. The love that is at the fore front of your mind when you're faced with certain challenges and choices to make. You know that you have ample love at home when you always acknowledge that your choices does not only reflect on just you but on everyone who has made it a point to love every part of you and as such you make decisions not just to be a people pleaser to them but to make decisions that you and them will be proud of and also remind them that they're not wasting their love on you.
