Hi, I'm Sam,
I think that at some point in life, it easy to identify things that work for you, things you can try out and things you don't even need to bother yourself about figuring out or trying to will it. It is possible that we find out these things very early and what category they fall under but we often times lie to ourselves maybe ignorantly or in a way to try to be adventurous to test and if possible push our limits. When I get an idea of a new thing either by reading it, watching it or even thinking it, I always try to call myself to order by reminding myself that experiences often differ irrespective of how identical I may try to replicate whatever it is. In every replication, there is always a mistake that either leads to a new design or a failed attempt which still further buttresses my point.
8 decades ago, a young Aunty Nneka, a beautiful young lady in some part of igbo land probably didn't have any future plans different from what she was used to and what she saw everyone else do which was to get married, have kids, take care of the family and farm to feed the family and make money for the family. I'm sure there was an ambitious aspects to the plans everyone had and I know she wanted the best for herself and her family which I think is cute. Fortune smiled on her and she got married to a handsome man who was not only handsome but was also hardworking which meant that there was a very high chance that the ambitious plan which was a little above what everyone was doing looked like it could be achieved. She never had the desire to show off or to be constant reminder to people that she was better or not on the same level with them but she simply had the desire to do what she wanted, provide for herself and her family and enjoy her life. And for some years everything seemed to be going according to plan and in some case even better than the plan.
Isioma, a young university girl was in school and was determined to be focused with school. While nurturing ambitious plans, Isioma also wanted a fairytale life with a family of her own. Plans to live her fairytale life wasn't fleshed out but there was a vague idea of what she wanted and she was going to work hard to get it but the imminent plan was to go through the university and come out with the best result and life lived in the university. No one makes a plan to live a life of a downer so Isioma's life plan seemed reasonable and achievable.
With the handsome and hardworking husband came two beautiful sons, so there was every reason to celebrate and be grateful for life and everything that was visible and invisible about the life Aunty Nneka had mapped out in her mind and she continued to live and enjoy her life. Her sons grew into young men and everything seemed to be going as planned.
Isioma finished school in accordance with the timeline she had mapped out, no extra year, no outstanding courses and she was lucky to find the love of her life in her early 20s, got married to him and life after shool started. Everything she knew in her 20s, she learnt them in her husband's house and her husband gave her the room to experience and grow without telling her what to learn and when to learn them. Advice has always been a thing and ofcourse she got a handful of those but she still had the right and freedom to break, learn and live.
Years down the line, Aunty Nneka lost her husband and few years later she lost her two boys and as life seemed unlivable, Aunty Nneka continued living with the harsh memory always replaying in mind. On the other side of life, Isioma welcomed her first child, the second child came after 1 year and the 3rd child after 4 years and in her 20s, Isioma gave birth to her 3 kids while working tirelessly to build a career. As she was comfortably navigating the uncharted paths of motherhood for her, she was also trying to figure out her career but the good thing is that she had the unwavering support of the love of her life which I am sure she would acknowledge to have been a big help to her.
It is easy to try to live life on an already made plan, plans made by someone else or plans made by oneself but while ticking off milestones in the plan, it is important to know that experiences may differ and not always in a terrible way. I can have plans similar to the next person but there is no guarantee that the outcome will be similar and that is simply because life will always remain unpredictable irrespective of how meticulously agendas are carried out. Aunty Nneka and Isioma both wanted the simple life of a simple career, family and relationship and they both got it young but the outcome ultimately took a shift for Aunty Nneka. Her life didn't stop when those of her 2 sons and her husband did, she still had to live her life and she did. Maybe the tragedy made her resilient to keep living and for someone else, the tragedy would've sent them down to a pit where they would have a hard time recognizing themselves no matter how much they try to paint over the scratched walls.
For Aunty Nneka, she's never going to forget her tragedy, it will always be fresh in her mind but somehow she found a way to smoothen the walls before painting. When I suggest you smoothen before painting, I am never implying that you should forget what happened or try to forget what happened. I want you to heal and use the scratch to step up to the next level of life whatever that might be for you and when you successfully use it as a stepping stone, you will always cherish the next step and the steps after because you recognize the catalyst which propelled you to each of those levels.
