Hi, I'm Sam,
Some say you can't shame the shameless, so sometimes I ask myself, are certain people shameless or they have just learned to be unusually honest about themselves and their situation. They don't admit those "shameful" things to be at the center of a pity party but it's their way of just saying what is instead of trying to paint things to not appear as they are. I also do not think that those who refuse to share certain things are being dishonest, I just cannot expect the same things from everybody. The shameless can also be seen as people who overshare and I can see them as people who are honest about their situation but it really depends on who is looking at it and what angle the person is watching from.
I struggle to identify a mistake in anything I do with intentions irrespective of what side the intention falls. I know that calling certain things a mistake make a somewhat good defense but I have also tried my best to be honest at all times. I told someone few days ago that I will never say I don't lie but I will always try my best to be honest and I think being honest goes beyond giving one word answers. I can explain a situation and still give one word answer because i know that my explanation gives a better perspective and flesh to my one word answer. But a mistake is a mistake no matter what I decide to call it. Some people apologize for a mistake just to move on from the situation and some apologize because something wrong was done and amends need to be made. The first isn't the best because there is a chance that the mistake that was falsely apologized for will definitely be repeated.
My former trait was to listen to respond and not to listen to understand before responding. While I'm listening, I am already outlining my defense not based on what is being said but on what I think is being said which leads to further miscommunication. When apologies are made for mistakes, change is often expected and when the change isn't seen, it feels like manipulation which further deteriorates the relationship between two people. While I understand that no one is above mistakes, I understand that personal responsibility should be taken when mistakes are made. Waiting for find out if someone notices your mistakes and goes a step further to call you out on it is a terrible trait to nurture no matter the excuse.
When apologies for mistakes are made, the timeframe doesn't require immediate forgiveness not because it's the best but because the person apologizing is not the person going to forgive and as such, two individuals cannot work emotionally on the same time frame. The only scenario were forgiveness and apology may seem to happen at the same time frame is only if the forgiveness has already been reached before the apology was made and with that as well, they both didn't happen at the same time.
It's is said that forgiveness is not for the person who did the wrong but more for the person who is wronged because when you do not forgive, you're giving the other person a flat to live in your mind without taking rent from them. That is as a result of individual mental capacity where you either obsess over what was done to you and how you'd payback or try to move on and you find that you spend a reasonable amount of your mental space and time on something you can find the best way to work through and move on from. Processing situations differ and while you will try to not dwell so much on it, you also have to be certain to process everything fully to be able to move on completely and freely.
My little secret to forgiveness is to do it before it's needed. I try to not take things personally no matter the situation. I am human so I will definitely feel hurt when someone does something that can cause hurt but I always prepare myself to not dwell in the hurt and forget every other aspect of me and also ignore the good that could come out of situation because something good can come out of anywhere. I won't lie to you and say that forgiveness to me or forgiveness in general is like a switch that I decide when to turn on and off but the truth is that just like everything else that requires practice, you get better at forgiveness the more you practice it. In my case, whenever I forgive anyone or forgive any situation, I feel indifferent towards it. I don't obsess whether or not they get payback because I know the payback won't be from me, I don't wish them bad, I mostly wish them good but the major thing I realize is that I don't even think about it or not enough to require me to feel a certain way towards the people or situation.
Opportunities will always come up to help me and others identify the type of person I am and I would like to be identified as human. There is a point you get to that people almost unconsciously strip you of your humanity and place you on a platform you didn't ask to be on or to a standard which they can never hold themselves to just because of one aspect of you. I want people to always realize that as much as there are differences between us, there are similarities as well and you can't operate and have expectations that i would only function in a certain way. I want to ve genuine and real in all the opportunities I get to show myself or appreciate others.
