Hi, I'm Sam,
I've always wondered what angle to think about marriages and weddings. I love it for others but sometimes people say everything changes when you get married and they still say people don't change even when you marry them and this is always in a case of a character flaw, so then what really changes after wedding and in marriage? It's a good thing to love someone so deeply that you'd love to take it a step further but I don't completely subscribe to that mentality because we still witness people go through the long and stressful process of wedding planning just to take a step further with someone they do not completely love and someone they would end up tolerating and stepping out on in the marriage and I'm really curious to know what their thought about that really is because I have tried and maybe the experiences I've come to live or hear of hasn't done a fine job in letting me imagine and explain scenarios that makes sense and justifies this action.
I don't know if I'll ever say "I do" but one thing I know for sure is that I will always celebrate and hype those who wish to genuinely take their love for their partner to the next level. My joy will not come from wanting the same thing but in sharing in their joy, hope and desires for one another. My joy might even be higher and more contagious than theirs but i don't mind and I won't let their excitement guage mine. I love love but for others, people trying to use their words and actions to let someone else know that they mean a great deal to them and the other person receiving the love and reciprocating it the best way that feels best to them. Setting up a wedding in preparations for marriages ultimately say, "hey guys, I know that you guys know that we're together but i want to wine and dine you guys and scream it from the moutain tops that this wonderful person is mine and i intend to hold on to this person while we go through uncharted pathways of tribulations and also hold on to this person while we enjoy life and make it our own and all you have to do is bear witness to this agreement". My dad would always remind us to choose who we love because when the music and the excitement dies down after the wedding reception, there's a quietness that follows and that quietness can be quite jarring, reiterating that something has changed and you're stuck in a good way or bad way depending on your choice with this person and those who have supported the union for as long or as short as they have get to go home and face their realities while you do the same.
There's always talks about adapting and openess and compromise (not in a terrible way) when it comes to marriage and some have misunderstood the difference between a wedding and a marriage. Adapting can be a good thing and while adapting we can learn new things and drop certain things. But i think that serious partners do not wait until marriage to adapt and compromise for those that they love. It's something you just have to start doing before marriage and if it works before marriage and everyone in it is sincere then it'll be a walk in the park when you enter the next level which is marriage, there's a little bit of experience you step in with. I don't think there are enough books or advice that will prepare anyone for marriage. Marriage feels like something entered blind but wide awake. It is so customized that as much as things might seem similar with another marriage, the outcome is always different. Just like every other thing in life, advice is welcomed and important but the ultimate decision stills lies with the decision makers. You analyze your situation and decide what route to take whether in a happy situation or in trying times. Not making a decision is also making a decision and the sweet part of it is that you carry the result alone. So there's no point considering outsiders when making a decision you have to face alone. You're not a good person by considering others when you want to make a decision in your marriage.
Love they say is not always enough, so the realization to be well equipped with whatever you need becomes important. Being in the relationship before you begin talks to take it to the next level becomes your guide to know what tools you need to step into that level. The ability to know what level of the tool to have is determined from your experience in the relationship. No one can get you ready when you have no desire to get ready, no one is experiencing the relationship the way you are, so the best person to help you get prepared is you and the earlier the realization is made, the easier the process becomes and your steps into that next level is planted stronger on the ground because as green as you might be in that area, you still feel somewhat prepared to go on that journey with your person.
