NOT THE FINISH LINE

Hi, I'm Sam, 

I don’t think I will be the first to raise my hands when the question “who’s athletic here?” Is thrown in a room I happen to find myself in but in the same vein, with more explanations given, I won’t be the last to raise my hands either. I occasionally exercise but the constant mode of exercise I partake in is strolling. I try to achieve at least 10k steps a day. Some days I don’t get to my target and some days I go way above my goal, it all depends on the kind of day I’m having. One mode of exercise or sporting activity that I’m not sure anyone is really going to find me partake in is field tracks. I don’t particularly think I enjoy running but it’s something everyone has got to learn to not be bad at considering the part of the world we live in. But one thing I do enjoy with watching people or Olympians partake in that sport is the fact that there is a finish line to be reached. No matter what type of field track that is going on, the finish line is something every participant knows where it is, what they’re now trying to determine is who will get to that finish line first and in a record holding position, what time difference was used to reach said finish line. 

Depending on what type of individual you are, I think life can be seen as a race and not in the sense of competing with one another but that there is a finish line but as individuals we get to choose where the finish line is. It mustn’t be the last finish line but the line you get to so that you can take a break and appreciate where you’re coming from and where you’re going to. Someone else might decide not to call it “finish line” but “milestone” but no matter what you decide to call it, I think that having those points where you try to acknowledge your path and position, take a breather to appreciate or strategize is very important. Unfortunately, I am one of those who find it difficult to have those points or even acknowledge those points when I get there. 

I have just built the habit to keep moving with or without obstacles. It’s either I’m moving and not acknowledging how free the path might be or I’m trying to get over obstacles, but one thing I know to keep doing is to keep moving. I never try to stop myself or let myself be stopped even when my body gives me signs to slow down. And when against all my efforts that I do stop, I don’t stop to take note of where I am, I just complain about stopping and the feedback from everyone seems like noise that I need to tune out to avoid distractions but those feedbacks are things that should fuel my move ahead or help me strategize better to be and do better. 

The desire to work hard and to have a list of things to achieve has made me blind to certain milestones that people rightfully celebrate. When I get to those milestones, which could either be passing an exam, graduating, acquiring something really important, I ultimately find it difficult to take a break to pat myself on the back and appreciate what I have and where I’ve gotten. In those milestones, I find myself mounting pressure on myself on the other things left to achieve and somehow diminish what I have gotten or where I am. What others might consider a finish line or a small stop point, I see them as the starting line to something else and as a result I don’t see the need to celebrate what I have. I just fixate on the pressure and the things required to get to that next point that I will still not acknowledge when I finally get to it. 

Few weeks back I graduated after getting my second degree and everyone seemed to be proud of me and happy that I’ve gotten it but I couldn’t feel any sense of accomplishment. It was a tough process for me and I put in a lot of work and pressure on myself to achieve it but while wearing my convocation gown on the day on my convocation, I searched for that sense of accomplishment but couldn’t find. All I could think of was what I was going to do for my masters and the amount of work I will still have to put in to get that done. I already started picturing myself staying up all night trying to read and catch up on materials and this was after going through the day handling all my work stuff. I began to physically feel the pressure of what was needed to get that masters degree that I felt like I need to take a break before taking that on. Two weeks into my decision to take a break before pursuing for my masters, I started feeling like I was wasting my life because I didn’t feel any immediate pressure pursuing anything except taking long days getting my job done and trying to move on with life. 

Your guess is correct because I have decided to get back on the masters track but while I made that decision, I have also made the decision to appreciate and romanticize every point of this process in that aspect and other aspects of my life. I practiced this by the way I felt and approached the application process, I felt grateful and happy with every stage I got to and triumphed, no matter how insignificant it seemed. I figured no one was going to make me a list of things to appreciate if I don’t do it and no one was going to think I’m a fool for the excitement I feel after I fill and submit a form. My joy is left for me to identify and bask in. A line can be a finish line and also a starting line for something greater. Just because I decide to keep going does not reduce what I have gone through and overcome, the only ultimate thing was my approach towards each stage of life. I really didn’t see any advantage to minimizing those stages that I’ve passed, so it won’t be a bad idea for me to try something different and positive that will not only be good for me but transfer positivity to everyone around me as well.