Hi, I'm Sam,
I decided a while ago to take CNA’s advice about loving people loudly. And I honestly cannot tell you why i didn’t see the need to do that earlier. I didn’t think I was getting any cool points for being nonchalant but for some reason I felt content keeping what I was thinking about how someone makes me feel bottled up inside and I somehow still thought they should find a way to know what i thought of them in my mind. I’d love to argue someday that people find it very difficult taking correction or criticism from someone who they’ve never gotten a compliment from. Especially in friendships, I can’t be the one who always points out what is wrong or could be better with something my friends do but I somehow lose my voice when it comes to amplifying the amazing things about them. It actually does say a lot about me if I can dedicate time to articulate what I do not like about someone around me and cannot pay attention to their good side enough to put them into words and tell them or others about that side to them.
My niece called me by mistake the other day and when I returned the call, we spoke and of course her brothers had things to say when they realized who was on the other end of the call. The youngest boy gave me a list of things to buy when coming to visit and the thing I found so sweet about that was that he mentioned items for himself and siblings. At 5 years old he was able to know what each of his siblings would like to get as a gift and he made sure I knew who would get what. As the call was coming to an end, I said I love you guys and the three of them responded, “I love you too” and I loved how they didn’t generalize it by saying “we love you” as much as that would’ve felt good, I love that everyone of them felt the need to personalize it and say it for themselves. The personalization gives them the mental note that they as an individual love and not something that has been generalized and with the way kids can be brutally honest, I love that they can feel confident and happy enough to make that admission and with that mental note prompts the thought that they actually do love and if they don’t, they will feel the need to know why or at the least ask questions. Now they don’t only feel love from me because of my presence when I visit or what I buy for them, they’ve heard me say it to them and now they’re convinced that I really do love them because it checks out in action and words.
Unknowingly, certain people posses the ability to make you happy, accepted, calm and at peace by doing absolutely nothing. It doesn’t come from what they do or what they say, their existence just does that for and to you and even when you love them loudly by saying how they made you feel, they cannot quite completely understand the positive effect they have on you. They will accept the compliment and will be happy that they’re that for you but it’s easy to misunderstand that when they begin to think of what to do to add to what they already do for you. But the truth is that is doesn’t require much for you to be smitten by them. Granted there are things they can do which has the potential of changing the dynamic of things for the worse but the need to do something to continue being on the positive side isn’t necessary because they were just being themselves when the vibes was created, if anything, the attempt to add to what they’re doing may derail the whole thing.
The intention behind doing more is mostly pure but the need to do more because it feels like it makes no sense that someone cherishes your existence so much that they become vocal about it isn’t very simple and easy to fathom. So the natural human thing to do will be to think “what more can I do?” Which now seems as though the person feels unworthy and tries to find things to do to justify how good they make you feel without feeling weird about the whole set up.
Unknowingly being or doing something entirely lies on the effortlessness of it all. You can’t take note of your effortlessness until someone else notices and points it out and in most cases, they do that in appreciation because really, you probably have no idea what impact you have on them and maybe someone else in your life has said similar stuff but you’re still lost because you’re not intentionally doing anything in a certain way or manner to have that effect. They’re trying to love you loudly because they’ve also loved you in silence and they want to let you know in appreciation. When something’s aren’t said, it might feel like they’re not there but it can be that it’s there and noticed but the other person is still trying to make sense of it either to figure out how you do it or maybe why they deserve to be a recipient of that because the truth is that you may not have that effect on others and it doesn’t change how deeply someone else feels towards you in that moment that they have decided to voice out what they’ve been trying to make sense of and enjoyed in silent for a period of time.
