Hi, I’m Sam,
Growing
up my father always said this quote "Don't be ashamed of anything except
Sin" and he was never shy to say it to whoever cared to listen and
whenever someone would point out he was doing something seemingly below his
level like washing the car or sweeping. I was just thinking the other day, what
are we ashamed of in recent times?, and looking at the current trend of content
on social media, I don’t think a lot of people seem to be ashamed of a lot of
things because people share so much that they leave very little to the
imagination of other social media users.
But
I do not think shame is really what should control what we put out on social
media; self-respect should. Granted, if shame is what would make us respect
ourselves on the streets of social media, then by all means I think that works
but to some degree, a lot of people have gotten it twisted that they are
ashamed of the wrong things in recent times. It is almost as though people have
flipped the scenario, they are ashamed of what they should not be ashamed of
and open about what should stay personal.
“What
Am I ashamed of?” the question is on a personal level, which means you are
allowed to choose what you consider shameful. No one is cool enough to make a
list for you to tell you what you should consider shameful but self-awareness
and common sense can also tell you what is important but shouldn’t cause you
shame.
When
it comes to this, I try to be very conscious of it, I correct myself whenever I
catch myself slipping. You tend to get into complicated situations when you
don't identify the things to stay away from. You can catch yourself living way
above your means because God forbid someone finds out you can't afford certain
things at a particular time and the shame that comes with what others think is
not worth it. No matter what we do, we can never control people’s reactions to
us or what we do so I don’t see the reason why I should be ashamed of what
someone else thinks of me.
It
is pointless to be ashamed of your reality; yes, your reality may not be the
best but there is no reason to be ashamed of it more especially when you are
working very hard to change your reality from whatever it is to what you will
be proud of. Being ashamed of your reality is like denying yourself and in some
cases that is where insecurity, inferiority complex, and self-pity start from.
There are things in our lives that no matter what we do, we cannot change until
we consciously decide to love ourselves and embrace those things. God does not
make mistakes and as such everything about us is there to serve and achieve a
purpose much greater than we can imagine.
When
you try to have a conversation with a lot of people these days, you can’t help
but notice that they may be ashamed or give importance to the wrong things like
using an Apple product, wearing the latest fashion, or some other trivial
thing. Some have been unintentionally brainwashed so much that no matter how
the situation is analyzed, they would never see anything odd in placing that
much importance on such casual material things. As I pointed out earlier, no one
is cool enough to tell you what to get excited about and what to be ashamed of,
I completely think it’s a personal thing; do things for yourself and how it
makes you feel and not for the next individual, have your reasons for doing
things but remain teachable and open to changing your school of thoughts on
certain things.
Shame
without repentance is a very tricky one because some of our actions to
ourselves or others may require repentance. We are humans and it is completely
expected for us to misstep in some situations, our response to those missteps
is what ultimately determines or exposes what kind of human we are. How easily
do we realize what we have done? How do we feel about our actions? What can we
do about what we have done? What have we decided to do about the situation we
have created as a result of our actions? Is our response faster when it is
about us or when it has everything to do with another individual? The answers
to these questions can give us an idea of who we are to ourselves and others;
we may need to do better, or keep up the good work and extend Grace to people
who misstep.
Shame
can be very crippling and destabilizing, you can resolve in your heart not to
respond a certain way to things but find yourself doing the very opposite, not
because you are not strong enough to stand on your word or because you don’t
know better but because we try to belittle how much effect shame already has on
us that we want to turn on it in a snap of a finger and it doesn’t work that
way. It is a gradual process and give yourself Grace, when you fail to adjust,
dust yourself and try again until shame no longer has as much power as it does
right now until it loses its hold on you. It takes action to get to the other
side but it also starts from the mind and what you have decided to do.
Living
life without shame can be very freeing because there isn’t any need to impress
the wrong set of people, people see you and know you for who you truly are, and
trust me people will respect you for that because it is a level so many wish to
get to but haven’t been able to.