Hi, I'm Sam,
There's only so much I can do to ensure that something goes a certain way or an event sticks to a drafted agenda. I like to think that I take my time to analyze my actions and draft how things should go, what should go first and what should come after and I've learnt over the years to try to be realistic. I can dream big and have wonderland wishes but I still try to make everyday grind as realistic as it can be while accounting and acknowledging all that can go wrong. There's only few things I can control and as for the things that I cannot control, I try as much as I can to not let it control me by ruining my day or changing my mood to what I won't enjoy feeling. Some days I feel like acknowledging everything that might not go as planned is accepting defeat or wishing bad on something that is already well thought and planned out and some days I take it as the natural thing to do and have a response for it when it happens.
How much time do I have to spend thinking over what eventually went wrong? Especially when I know that I spent an obsessive amount of time thinking about how things should go and act out scenarios just to have a plan B but when things shift I find myself running through series of emotions in the shortest amount of time. I'm immediately shocked, and when I'm shocked, I always don't know how to react which is why I usually freeze when I see a snake. When I'm shocked instead of switching or attempting to switch to plan B, I begin to stroll down the overthinking lane, I start to wonder if switching to plan B is the smart thing to do in that moment. Will the plan B easily tie into the situation at hand or do I need do find an alternative plan B because even though things are not going according to plan, I still want the switching to plan B to feel as natural to me and everyone else like things aren't taking a turn in the moment. I try to sort my wonder of whether or not to switch to plan B as quickly as I can and after making a decision, I start to think of how to switch with ease. The ease is so much for myself than how anyone else will see the switch, I need to switch in a way and manner that I don't freeze and blow everything because I know I'm freaking out inside already and I just need to keep it inside and not let it be visible on the outside either through sweating, face contouring, blabbing or misplacing words.
Shortly after being shocked, I find myself battling with disbelief. I can't believe that with the amount of time and thought I put into this it still somehow took a different unimaginable route almost as though the zeal life has to throw me off balance is much higher than the zeal I have to pursue life in the most sincere way to make the best out of it.
I feel better sleeping when something not so good has happened, apart from taking some time to feel my emotions and try my best to make sense of it all, I still sleep on it and I feel much better when I wake up which is why I subscribe to time heals all wounds, the question now becomes "How much time? ". I sleep on the situation before it has the chance to have a negative effect on my mood. I know its a coping mechanism that I've come to adopt over time but I genuinely think its not a bad coping mechanism. I would rather sleep through a terrible situation than stay up to deal with the crushing feeling with every passing second. I love that as far as I can remember I've always been the person capable of determining my moods and emotions, if I'm upset it's only because I let myself be and not because of what someone else said to or about me or what someone else did. The power to make myself happy even when it may seem as though everything points to the opposite has been one I've enjoyed wielding for as long as I have. It puts everything into perspective and takes away power from others and when people realize that the power to control my emotion is not with them, everyone behaves and acts accordingly.
I may sleep on it but I will never sweep it under the rug, I deal with situations as I should and in most cases better than I would ever imagine. There are things that spoil and when I decide to act immediately, I find myself contributing to making the situation worse than it is, but when I decide to take a step back, and not necessarily taking a step back to think about what to do next but just take a step back and let time pass, I find out the situation finds a way to sort itself out especially without my input. I begin to wonder how many things that I've had to insert myself into just to feel like I'm trying to make it better that I should have just given time. I'm sure I've caused myself a lot of unnecessary headaches in the past because I desired to be on top of situations and resolve them as fast as I felt they needed to be resolved. Sometimes when things go "south" it's because they're meant to go south because it won't be able to serve me better or for the greater good if it doesn't go that way.
How much time do I have to spend thinking over what eventually went wrong? Especially when I know that I spent an obsessive amount of time thinking about how things should go and act out scenarios just to have a plan B but when things shift I find myself running through series of emotions in the shortest amount of time. I'm immediately shocked, and when I'm shocked, I always don't know how to react which is why I usually freeze when I see a snake. When I'm shocked instead of switching or attempting to switch to plan B, I begin to stroll down the overthinking lane, I start to wonder if switching to plan B is the smart thing to do in that moment. Will the plan B easily tie into the situation at hand or do I need do find an alternative plan B because even though things are not going according to plan, I still want the switching to plan B to feel as natural to me and everyone else like things aren't taking a turn in the moment. I try to sort my wonder of whether or not to switch to plan B as quickly as I can and after making a decision, I start to think of how to switch with ease. The ease is so much for myself than how anyone else will see the switch, I need to switch in a way and manner that I don't freeze and blow everything because I know I'm freaking out inside already and I just need to keep it inside and not let it be visible on the outside either through sweating, face contouring, blabbing or misplacing words.
Shortly after being shocked, I find myself battling with disbelief. I can't believe that with the amount of time and thought I put into this it still somehow took a different unimaginable route almost as though the zeal life has to throw me off balance is much higher than the zeal I have to pursue life in the most sincere way to make the best out of it.
I feel better sleeping when something not so good has happened, apart from taking some time to feel my emotions and try my best to make sense of it all, I still sleep on it and I feel much better when I wake up which is why I subscribe to time heals all wounds, the question now becomes "How much time? ". I sleep on the situation before it has the chance to have a negative effect on my mood. I know its a coping mechanism that I've come to adopt over time but I genuinely think its not a bad coping mechanism. I would rather sleep through a terrible situation than stay up to deal with the crushing feeling with every passing second. I love that as far as I can remember I've always been the person capable of determining my moods and emotions, if I'm upset it's only because I let myself be and not because of what someone else said to or about me or what someone else did. The power to make myself happy even when it may seem as though everything points to the opposite has been one I've enjoyed wielding for as long as I have. It puts everything into perspective and takes away power from others and when people realize that the power to control my emotion is not with them, everyone behaves and acts accordingly.
I may sleep on it but I will never sweep it under the rug, I deal with situations as I should and in most cases better than I would ever imagine. There are things that spoil and when I decide to act immediately, I find myself contributing to making the situation worse than it is, but when I decide to take a step back, and not necessarily taking a step back to think about what to do next but just take a step back and let time pass, I find out the situation finds a way to sort itself out especially without my input. I begin to wonder how many things that I've had to insert myself into just to feel like I'm trying to make it better that I should have just given time. I'm sure I've caused myself a lot of unnecessary headaches in the past because I desired to be on top of situations and resolve them as fast as I felt they needed to be resolved. Sometimes when things go "south" it's because they're meant to go south because it won't be able to serve me better or for the greater good if it doesn't go that way.
