Hi, I'm Sam,
I have always enjoyed doing things on my own and for myself because there's just something that the direct connection between myself and whatever that is does for my spirit. It easily brings things up to memory for me, that there's little to no need to always put things in place to serve as a reminder to remember something or someone. Having direct connection to something or people gives me a sense of individuality that requires no appreciation or loyalty to anything or anyone who isn't connected directly to what's at hand.
When you introduce me to someone you know, maybe in a social setting, I begin to debate within me what side of me to showcase and how familiar should we get before and after we leave here? I often ask myself how necessary it is to include the mutual friend in our future connection, if any. Does excluding the mutual friend show any sign of betrayal or is it a way for me to form a genuine connection with an individual irrespective of how the initial introduction was made? If I was meant to meet this person in my life, there's a chance that without the mutual friends introduction, I will still run into that person. But the latter is a much better scenario for me, because when I get introduced to someone, I try to keep a distance because there is really no playbook or if there is, I haven't read it, on how to navigate that kind of friendship to prevent any weird scenarios in the future. I instantly feel a sense of loyalty to the friend who made the introduction. Truthfully I think the sense of loyalty is completely normal and warranted but to what degree, When do I apply the loyalty and when do I interact with the other person as a full independent human being?
The simple fact that I am a completely different human being from my friend means that the way the mutual friend deals with my friend is going to be slightly different from the way the friend deals with me. Sometimes it feels the friendship is becoming more real compared to the one I have with the friend who made the introduction. It might be the new feeling and we've not had the chance to show our true colors. On my end, I know that the colors that I'm showing are my true colors with a little hold backs because I can't show all my cards but I can't definitively say the same for the other person. I can only assume the same for them because if I decide to interact with a pinch of salt, there's every chance that I will put a wrong label on the person on their first slip up. We can all be like a mirrorball, interacting differently with different persons depending on the energy and attitude they bring. I am not just one thing and I am delighted to take my time to determine which area of my life to fit this person if I feel like it will be important to fit the person in, and this is for the best case scenario. On the opposite side, the dynamic can get awkward in a situation where I try to form a direction connection with the other and it doesn't go the way any of us probably would've wanted, the moment I realize that we do not have so much, if anything in common, when I realize that I always end up with face muscle spasm after spending time with this person because I have to put in extra effort to plaster a smile on my face to not offend the person. When we've both have had this realization that we're not cut out to have a connection outside the mutual friend, the run-in gymnastics starts, where I have to query our mutual friend about attendance before accepting an invitation because I don't want to pretend throughout the time spent and even though I can be civil and coexist with people that probably do not fancy me, I will still subconsciously want to filter my words more than I normally would, or try not to make the wrong split second gesture that can be easily misconstrued.
I don't see anything wrong relating with someone solely when our mutual friend is around. It can be a case of not forcing what isn't there. I think for me, people easily misinterpret my lack of desire to have a direct relationship with them after an introduction is made, some have gone ahead to blame pride for it. The desire to not have a direct relationship with someone has nothing to do with whether or not the person is a good person. The same way I don't expect everyone to want to be friends with me even though I think I'm good, funny and all, I'm not going to think differently about myself because someone doesn't want to be friends. The only way I can even find out that someone doesn't want to be friends is only if I am trying to force a friendship with the other person. The simple fact that I have to force anything means that I shouldn't be doing that and take everything and everyone as they come and I hope that people take me as i come and not try to make sense of what shouldn't be made sense of.
When you introduce me to someone you know, maybe in a social setting, I begin to debate within me what side of me to showcase and how familiar should we get before and after we leave here? I often ask myself how necessary it is to include the mutual friend in our future connection, if any. Does excluding the mutual friend show any sign of betrayal or is it a way for me to form a genuine connection with an individual irrespective of how the initial introduction was made? If I was meant to meet this person in my life, there's a chance that without the mutual friends introduction, I will still run into that person. But the latter is a much better scenario for me, because when I get introduced to someone, I try to keep a distance because there is really no playbook or if there is, I haven't read it, on how to navigate that kind of friendship to prevent any weird scenarios in the future. I instantly feel a sense of loyalty to the friend who made the introduction. Truthfully I think the sense of loyalty is completely normal and warranted but to what degree, When do I apply the loyalty and when do I interact with the other person as a full independent human being?
The simple fact that I am a completely different human being from my friend means that the way the mutual friend deals with my friend is going to be slightly different from the way the friend deals with me. Sometimes it feels the friendship is becoming more real compared to the one I have with the friend who made the introduction. It might be the new feeling and we've not had the chance to show our true colors. On my end, I know that the colors that I'm showing are my true colors with a little hold backs because I can't show all my cards but I can't definitively say the same for the other person. I can only assume the same for them because if I decide to interact with a pinch of salt, there's every chance that I will put a wrong label on the person on their first slip up. We can all be like a mirrorball, interacting differently with different persons depending on the energy and attitude they bring. I am not just one thing and I am delighted to take my time to determine which area of my life to fit this person if I feel like it will be important to fit the person in, and this is for the best case scenario. On the opposite side, the dynamic can get awkward in a situation where I try to form a direction connection with the other and it doesn't go the way any of us probably would've wanted, the moment I realize that we do not have so much, if anything in common, when I realize that I always end up with face muscle spasm after spending time with this person because I have to put in extra effort to plaster a smile on my face to not offend the person. When we've both have had this realization that we're not cut out to have a connection outside the mutual friend, the run-in gymnastics starts, where I have to query our mutual friend about attendance before accepting an invitation because I don't want to pretend throughout the time spent and even though I can be civil and coexist with people that probably do not fancy me, I will still subconsciously want to filter my words more than I normally would, or try not to make the wrong split second gesture that can be easily misconstrued.
I don't see anything wrong relating with someone solely when our mutual friend is around. It can be a case of not forcing what isn't there. I think for me, people easily misinterpret my lack of desire to have a direct relationship with them after an introduction is made, some have gone ahead to blame pride for it. The desire to not have a direct relationship with someone has nothing to do with whether or not the person is a good person. The same way I don't expect everyone to want to be friends with me even though I think I'm good, funny and all, I'm not going to think differently about myself because someone doesn't want to be friends. The only way I can even find out that someone doesn't want to be friends is only if I am trying to force a friendship with the other person. The simple fact that I have to force anything means that I shouldn't be doing that and take everything and everyone as they come and I hope that people take me as i come and not try to make sense of what shouldn't be made sense of.