Hi, I'm Sam,
Very often I find myself standing on the lane between overthinking and what actually happens in real life. When I engage myself in overthinking, nine out of ten times It has everything to do with me, like what I'd say if I found myself in a particular situation, how I would react, or how I would cross a bridge if I had burned the bridge while crossing the first time. I always console myself and say that overthinking is something I do to get myself ready to confront situations that are probably not the most comfortable in a normal or less awkward manner but the truth is that overthinking for me is more graphic than I would like to admit, I exert so much energy when I overthink about a situation that I sometimes physically feel exhausted when I'm done. This has made me put so much consideration into what I use my energy to overthink on.
Our realities vary and as such requires different reactions and action from us, to an extent, I do not have control over my reality and the things I do have control over, I try my best to make sure they give me peace and make my aura comfortable for me and welcoming to anyone who would come around me. I will regularly say to people "Don't manage anyone", its exhausting and it never contributes anything reasonable to your life, rather it gives you wrinkles and takes away peace from you. Let everyone know exactly where they belong in your life and know what extent you can go for them. Not managing anyone frees you from unreasonable expectations and doubt from yourself and gives others the reassurance they need to know where and when they are needed in your life. If you love someone, love them deeply so they know without any doubt that they are loved by you.
I always replay my friendship breakup in my head whenever it pops up and I've only had to talk about the break up 4 times since it happened in 2023. Talking about it for the fourth time recently made me realize how it might have been one sided and in my favour, from the angle of expectation. I initiated the breakup and before I made it known to the other person, I had the opportunity to think about it and process it long before I was able to come to the conclusion that we should go our separate ways after years of close friendship. I still do not think I was cruel with my decision because It was done after the issue was discussed and apologies were given from both sides. As much as it hurt at the time, I still stand by my decision and would make the decision again if everything remained the same. I had the chance to think the decision through but I also had to deal with entirely new emotions after the decision was communicated. It became certain that this person would no longer be a regular, the slate where my expectations were written was wiped clean and even if we had the chance of getting back to being friends in the future, I do not think I would want the friendship to be built on the history of the one that led to a friendship break up, it would have to be entirely new.
I see argument as stooping too low to speak to someone else, if you feel like speaking at a higher volume than you normally would is the best way you can communicate with anyone then maybe you shouldn't be speaking at that particular time, and because I do not speak on a higher volume in no way mean that I shouldn't be heard and that is when I decide to take action, as they say, "actions speak louder than words". I take every kind of relationship I have with people seriously and I do not think I have unreasonable expectations with anyone but I do have expectations. One thing I make very clear to anyone who comes close to me is that you can speak to me about anything you think I did, doing or will do and I know that I either have to explain myself, apologize or change. I do not consider any of these 3 things difficult to do and sometimes it might include doing the combination of the three which I will gladly do because anyone in my life at this point is very important to me and I do not want to lose the connection because of something I did or refused to do.
Our realities vary and as such requires different reactions and action from us, to an extent, I do not have control over my reality and the things I do have control over, I try my best to make sure they give me peace and make my aura comfortable for me and welcoming to anyone who would come around me. I will regularly say to people "Don't manage anyone", its exhausting and it never contributes anything reasonable to your life, rather it gives you wrinkles and takes away peace from you. Let everyone know exactly where they belong in your life and know what extent you can go for them. Not managing anyone frees you from unreasonable expectations and doubt from yourself and gives others the reassurance they need to know where and when they are needed in your life. If you love someone, love them deeply so they know without any doubt that they are loved by you.
I always replay my friendship breakup in my head whenever it pops up and I've only had to talk about the break up 4 times since it happened in 2023. Talking about it for the fourth time recently made me realize how it might have been one sided and in my favour, from the angle of expectation. I initiated the breakup and before I made it known to the other person, I had the opportunity to think about it and process it long before I was able to come to the conclusion that we should go our separate ways after years of close friendship. I still do not think I was cruel with my decision because It was done after the issue was discussed and apologies were given from both sides. As much as it hurt at the time, I still stand by my decision and would make the decision again if everything remained the same. I had the chance to think the decision through but I also had to deal with entirely new emotions after the decision was communicated. It became certain that this person would no longer be a regular, the slate where my expectations were written was wiped clean and even if we had the chance of getting back to being friends in the future, I do not think I would want the friendship to be built on the history of the one that led to a friendship break up, it would have to be entirely new.
I see argument as stooping too low to speak to someone else, if you feel like speaking at a higher volume than you normally would is the best way you can communicate with anyone then maybe you shouldn't be speaking at that particular time, and because I do not speak on a higher volume in no way mean that I shouldn't be heard and that is when I decide to take action, as they say, "actions speak louder than words". I take every kind of relationship I have with people seriously and I do not think I have unreasonable expectations with anyone but I do have expectations. One thing I make very clear to anyone who comes close to me is that you can speak to me about anything you think I did, doing or will do and I know that I either have to explain myself, apologize or change. I do not consider any of these 3 things difficult to do and sometimes it might include doing the combination of the three which I will gladly do because anyone in my life at this point is very important to me and I do not want to lose the connection because of something I did or refused to do.
Sometimes I think to myself, is it that humans are insatiable in nature or we are not just honest with ourselves? Or could it be the combination of the two in certain situations? Is it possible to wish for something, get it, bask in it for a little while then start complaining about it? How often do we have to go through the vicious cycle of thinking we want something? and somehow feel as though we will not survive without it or that the quality of our lives will never improve until we have that but get bored or want something completely different briefly after we get exactly we thought we wanted. I think the frequency at which the cycle rotates would reduce when we decide to be very honest with ourselves about what it is we desire from various aspects of our living.
Our what ifs can easily translate to our fantasies, dreams, plans for the future and in the quest to make them a reality, seasons come and the best ways to put those seasons into words can be to scream WTH on a higher volume but it will be unwise to let the little break taken to sigh from the diaphragm linger and turn to a permanent stop.
