THE IP MAG

Hi, I'm Sam ,  I know everyone says this "I am my own competition " and everyone really should say it even when they don't believe it, say it as often as you can till you believe it. I wake up everyone morning and strive to make little decisions that will lead to the person and life I aspire to live in the nearest future. Sometimes the future is vivid enough to picture and sometimes I get greedy and try to belittle the imagination by telling myself that whatever it is that I can imagine is not scary enough because they say that our dreams should scare us but no one talks about how the scary dream can feel so far away and out of reach that I start to think that I'm not doing enough because the little things that I'm doing in the moment is no where close to what will help me achieve the scary ambitions. I've conditioned my mind to appreciate the ambitions that I can actually fit into my imaginations but also have it at the back of my mind they ar...

Hi, I'm Sam,  The year was 2021 and the month was January, right after everything that came with 2020 and with everything that happened that year, I like to focus on the fact that I got two Taylor Swift albums and no, it's not my way to downplay how terrible that year was or the irreplaceable loss people experienced but we get to choose what to focus on in any moment in time and I want to focus on that for now. Just like any other company, the company I worked for then made plans for the new year and making plans was one thing and taking action was a different ball game but my company decided that we needed to open a branch in another city which meant that some of us were going to have to move to this new city. I was pleased with this plan because it felt like a fresh start and it was a fresh start and it couldn't have come at a better time with the heaviness of the year before. I somehow convinced myself that things would be better and different because of the ...

Hi, I'm Sam,  I really do think that love has to be the warmest feeling to experience, especially because humans are the most selfish creatures and as such we tend to do things that make us feel good and caters to our likes, wants and needs that when someone decides to put their extremely loved self at a place and not only think of you but back it up with actions that probably has nothing to do with them but so much if not everything to do with you, yeah, that warm feeling is such a good feeling. Naturally, the easiest place to find love is at home, it's like a follow-come necessity that it is naturally expected but it's quite unfortunate that not everyone gets to experience love at home. For me when I think of home, I immediately feel loved, understood and backed up that I don't feel alone.  I asked one of my best friends what jazz I did to have and keep my friends so close and the way they come through for me makes me wonder if I truly deserve it and if I ...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  It's very easy to brag about always trying your best to be in control of so many aspects of life even though so many things will try to remind you that always being in control is not always how things go. So the pride taken when things are indeed under your control is warranted and not at all out of place. I have finally come to understand it when people say " your comfort zone will kill you ". The first time I heard it, I legit thought they were being dramatic and unreasonable but like always, when you get to a point, you realize why people come to certain conclusions to the issues of life. Take me for instance. I believe I've come to that jarring point and I must confess, it's not a good feeling at all. I have done a terrible job at not realizing that I've been in my comfort zone for far too long and I have been labeling my comfort zone with different names instead of acknowledging it for exactly what it is and trying to get m...

Hi, I'm Sam,  One of my most celebrated skill by everyone around me is being a very good driver. I thought the joy I experienced when I started driving was going to be short lived but over 10 years later, I still get excited whenever I have to drive. My joy and pride in driving has made me the designated driver even when alcohol is not involved. People just get comfortable letting me drive because they get to completely relax and not try to step on the imaginary brake and turn the steering a little bit from the passenger's seat. I am very proud to say that I taught my two sisters how to drive and they can both attest to the fact that I not just a very good driver but also a very good teacher in that aspect. When I started teaching my immediate elder sister how to drive, I realized how much of a challenge it can be to learn something new. I encouraged her everyday but what she didn't know was I was equally challenging and encouraging myself because I started to l...

Hi, I'm Sam,  There's an igbo saying, " mgbe onye tere, bụ ụtụtu ya " and it translates to " anytime anyone wakes up, is their morning " and just like so many things I heard when I was younger, this didn't really make any sense to me. It's one of those things they say, " you will understand when you get older" and I can honestly say I understand now that I'm older. As you get older, you don't need anyone to explain to you that life is really all about times and seasons and you live an easier, happier life when you understand that and live by that. When you're younger, it is very easy for you to believe that everything will work out at the same time and pace as your best friend who is of the same age and maybe gender as you. You sit and make plans how you will move from one stage to the next and you never really factor in life happening because really at that age you haven't really experienced what life could pos...

Hi, I'm Sam,   Most days I realize that my life is actually simpler than I would like to admit because I've lived a simple life for so long that I actually do not know how else to live and I don't let myself or my mind wander past where it really needs to. It doesn't go too far for me to now try to justify why I should think about certain things. Some days I pat myself on the back because I live a simple life and some days I wish for more because the simple can easily become boring. When I don't focus on taking credit for my simple life, I realize that I am simply paying attention to my interests and doing the things that truly matter to me no matter how simple and unserious those things may seem. There was a period I tried to live my life based on things I thought I was supposed to pay attention to and I truly regretted that period. Not only did I find myself waking up everyday feeling terrible, I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I struggled to do...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  I think at some point in my teenage years, to be cool was my ultimate desire, nothing else really seemed so important to me because they came easily to me but being cool was something I really wanted but somehow struggled with it and didn't know how to be that or even attempt to. I never really had any good reason as to why I wanted to be cool, I just knew that was what I wanted and I needed to get it to experience some sense of accomplishment and feeling of belonging. I couldn't really define what cool was either to me or to someone else but I figured I could pick one person who I thought was undeniably cool and replicated whatever they were doing then somehow I could be considered cool in some ramification. I'm not sure if I ever got to be cool despite my efforts and all but I'm glad the need to be or considered cool left me as fast as it came and as intense as the feeling was, I didn't feel any regret or hurt when it didn't happ...

Hi, I'm Sam,  Sometimes I don't know if I should be happy or sad that I somehow suppress emotions and memories. It's good when there are things I do not wish to remember and I don't have to lie or fight so hard not to remember them but it's sad in the sense that I've not really experienced any deep trauma that would warrant memory suppression but somehow my mind seems to think that no matter how I wish to describe those things as little, it will do me a favor by making sure I do not remember them. While we're here, I might as well blame my inability to remember names or people's faces on my mind choosing to suppress things and make them difficult to be remembered without any concrete memory attached to it.  There are things that I do not remember and when I am forced to remember them in any way, I just wish those things will remain in the past. I do not want them to remain in the past because they're too painful in the past and in the pre...

Hi, I'm Sam,   I will only admit it this one time and never again because I know the story is about to change, I have always had a confusing anxiety towards designs. Any kind of design scares me because I feel it's too much power to have to create something from scratch from your mind and playing around with different tools and elements and decide every little detail about it to the extent that some playfully say, " every mistake in design is a style " which is true in a lot of cases. I've always blamed humility for not wanting to wield that power and people have naturally just expected me to be very good at designs so they either ask for my input in design tasks or just expect me to lead the conversation when it comes to designs. Whenever they come to me, I either give a half-assed response so they don't feel some type of way and also don't bother to come back to me or I send them to someone else because I already do not know what to contribut...

Hi, I'm Sam , They say there is no point crying over spilt milk. It is possible to take the sentence as face value but as a known overthinker, I've always had to dive deep into phrases like that. No matter our age bracket, after getting to the age of being on our own, our lives will be full of choices to make. Some choices birth unimaginable rewards while some come with their fair share of consequences which in turn lead to lessons learnt, but the annoying constant is finding yourself with options to choose from and not choosing any of the options is also making a choice which will probably come with its own consequences. Sometimes I feel like none of the available options will produce anything I think I desire in the moment but what I need and in that moment I just have to deal with the feeling of picking an option with a less terrible outcome.  Its very easy to identify bad judgement when you're not the one making it. When I listen to someone tell me about a s...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  A book starts with an alphabet or a character, drops of water make an ocean, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. These are the few ways I try to remind myself to take is easy on myself that the life I live everyday is made of building blocks of experiences. These experiences have not only been bad or good because I try to have a solid stand on life, I've had to go through the different types, shapes and duration of those experiences. I can trace certain things in the present to things that have happened in the past and things I've had to either learn or unlearn at some point in my little, boring life. Despite the number of times I've heard the phrase "its well" , it still somehow holds so much weight to me that it feels as new and weighty as it did the first time I heard it. And the irony that I often use it when things aren't going well or about to scatter into several pieces makes me chuckle most times. I've ...

Hi, I'm Sam,   One thing I will argue anytime and any day is that the more you do something, the better you get at it whether intentionally or not. Being present willingly or not and participating in doing something will make you better at that thing in no time that it almost becomes part of your muscle memory. When you've spent most of your formative childhood years moving yearly from one place to another, you won't have any other choice than being good at being the NEW KID and you will get so good at adapting to new environments that the anxiety you once had at being in a new environment and trying to make something out of it becomes anxious of you. I had to equip myself with some tricks that made me less upset about moving from one place when I was just starting to get the rhythm of the place. At the beginning,  adapting to a new environment, finding new routines and creating new normals was so daunting that whenever I find out that we have to move, i don...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  Its beginning to hit me that I will no longer be counted as part of the young ones in any gathering I find myself in lately  because I have gone up in age and this realization is making me question so many things I stood by growing up which I never thought would change and because I've never said those things out loud to the hearing of someone older than I am or even my mate, I've not received any advice with regards to them. The most common advice I get on a regular is that change is constant and I shouldn't be afraid to adapt to the changes. Change is quite easy to adapt to if it is somehow going the way you've planned it to be. You can just conclude that the change which you can see is just a manifestation of your desires and hard work. It can be hard to learn to accept changes even when it doesn't seem like its contained in my plans for growth, I've come to understand that things will always work out for my good even when I can...

Hi, I'm Sam,  One of my favorite things to do in this life is road tripping especially if I have to drive for the most part of the trip but as much as I love the idea and actually going on a road trip, I know the people to embark on such with and I also know the people that I don't mind using the last money in my account to book a flight for them in order to get the trip over with in no time. I love when someone is as excited about a road trip as much as I am, putting thoughts into playlist, snacks/ food, outfits, route. The excitement going to fill up the fuel tank because we know how long the journey is, making stops to buy things, relieve ourselves, buy things in traffic etc is a feeling I do not complain about at all. But unlike road trips, I've come to the point in life to experience the unavoidable, that there are indeed things in life that i will have to do and experience alone. And thinking about it, there are so many things in life we will have to do an...

Hi, I'm Sam,  I have always enjoyed doing things on my own and for myself because there's just something that the direct connection between myself and whatever that is does for my spirit. It easily brings things up to memory for me, that there's little to no need to always put things in place to serve as a reminder to remember something or someone. Having direct connection to something or people gives me a sense of individuality that requires no appreciation or loyalty to anything or anyone who isn't connected directly to what's at hand. When you introduce me to someone you know, maybe in a social setting, I begin to debate within me what side of me to showcase and how familiar should we get before and after we leave here? I often ask myself how necessary it is to include the mutual friend in our future connection, if any. Does excluding the mutual friend show any sign of betrayal or is it a way for me to form a genuine connection with an individual irr...

Hi, I'm Sam,  Against all my efforts and mental notes, the unwanted somehow creeps in to try to become familiar. I can try to give myself rational and mentally sound reasons why this should remain unwanted, I dig deep and even consult outside help but it becomes a terrible case of the heart wants what it wants . But I still question what part of my heart wants this when there's a part of my heart that just wants to run as fast as my legs can carry me to take me far away from something that half of my heart desires and the other part of my heart wants no part in. Some say follow your heart, but that advise is going to be very hard to follow in this case, a part is trying to be rational and another is trying to leap holding on to nothing but blind faith.  The idea of what could come out of this keeps me interested while I try my best to stay away from it. I want to make sure everything flows through the parameters I have set out and I never want to entertain the thou...

Hi, I'm Sam ,  There's only so much I can do to ensure that something goes a certain way or an event sticks to a drafted agenda. I like to think that I take my time to analyze my actions and draft how things should go, what should go first and what should come after and I've learnt over the years to try to be realistic.  I can dream big and have wonderland wishes but I still try to make everyday grind as realistic as it can be while accounting and acknowledging all that can go wrong. There's only few things I can control and as for the things that I cannot control, I try as much as I can to not let it control me by ruining my day or changing my mood to what I won't enjoy feeling. Some days I feel like acknowledging everything that might not go as planned is accepting defeat or wishing bad on something that is already well thought and planned out and some days I take it as the natural thing to do and have a response for it when it happens. How much time ...